Not a terrible day.

Ninja.

WARNING: This is a two day post since I never got around to posting it yesterday… I was really defeated feeling.

Well, first tourney of the day is done and I am awesomely on my way to continuing my record. I signed up for the daily dollar. I went out before I paid a blind- so I guess that is good? Max value for my money… I was dealt JJ UTG. 4x raise. UTG+1 calls with 77 and hit his hidden set to crack my overpair on a “safe” board.

A lot of the reading I’ve done lately would bitch me out for being willing to go all-in with less than 2 pair. I talked about this in Co. too. But then last night I was dragged through the mud about not calling an all-in reraise when I had top pair and a good kicker with a board that looked harmless.

Honestly, I don’t feel like these questions are that hard to answer “correctly” I just think I’ve got the worst fucking luck ever. Last night I was doing some tracker analysis with Truth and a few key facts stick out in my mind. He has about 3x the data I do- I’ve only just started collecting again- and we found a lot of places where our ratios matched pretty well. Anything close and I just figure it’s standard deviation stuff. But, here were some interesting ones.

Two pair is a losing hand for me- by a lot. I am not profitable until I hit a set. He is profitable at two pair.

We had roughly equivalent sets and flushes (how many of them we hit), but the percentage of his hands that turned into full houses was 10x mine. .06 to .6 and his ratio of straights was almost as far above mine. Remember, this is the guy who had AA hold up 8 times in Co. to my drawing it once- ever.

How do I reconcile that? The data sample isn’t huge yet- but my hands have been NOTICABLY BETTER since I started using tracker. And its not just a feeling- I wasn’t using the database, but I was recording a fuck-ton of hands. I went out of my way to record ANYTHING like me getting lucky.

Just a quick update on my day so far… I’ve played 3 hands. JJ, cracked by 77. AK, folded to massive reraise (turned out to be kings), and TT, flop had a J and KJ took the hand.

Let’s add AJoff to the mix- 4x raise was called. Missed the flop and it had K in it- folded to a continuation bet from the BB caller. And, now fucked from AK, TT, and AJ all losing me money- I push all in with A7s and get called by K9off who hits 2 pair.

Truth is in a 26 dollar buy-in tourney. I am jealous. He has already added another full house to his stack. I joined a deep stack 2.25 3600… We will see how big it gets.

Okay, reg is closed- 581 players. 40 out. I’ve been reseated 5 times and played zero hands.

Just watched a 4 way all-in. 99, AK, 77, and AJ. 99 won. There is also a guy at my table with 13,335 chips. We started at 300. I haven’t played a hand yet. 442 left.

I basically doubled up by accident just now.

QJ in the small blind.
Many limpers.
I limped too.
Hit top pair but there were two flush cards.
First to act so I put out a put sized pet.
It folded to the button- who called.
Turn was harmless- so I bet a little more than half the pot- keeping the pressure up if he was drawing.
He called.
River was harmless but since he limped he could easily have middle two pair or something.
I check.
He bets about the pot- half my stack.
I had already decided I would call any bet lower than all-in.
I went to call and MISSED THE FUCKING BUTTON and reraised all-in.
He called with middle pair.

People are fucking dumb. Why am I not profitable?

After 107 hands I had my best hole cards of the game. 99. I’d seen a couple of smaller pairs and AKoff a couple of times. Never AQ, never AJ… ATs at least once. I was even on the button for this hand. There was a limper and then the hijack- a frequent raiser raised 3x. I called. Flop cam 78T of a suit that matched one of my nines. Frequent raiser bets- I call. Turn pairs the board. Frequent raiser goes all in. I try to convey this to Truth- cowardishly and foolishly looking for support or guidance- but he didn’t listen. I had a strong hand an more outs than I could quickly count. I called. He turned over QQ and the river was a blank. Game over.

While sitting here I watched Truth get KK twice JJ once AQ suited twice AQ not suited at least once and AK at least twice... a full house… Not sure what else- honestly I wasn’t paying much attention.

He was right. I’m not special.

I don’t even have the sense of self to tell the world to fuck off.

5+5 SNG 9

Within the first couple of hands I had 66 in the SB. One limper. I limped and god bless I hit my set. Top set no less. There WAS a flush draw out there. I decided I would risk not betting it and just watch for that third flush card. They both checked. Turn gave me goddamn quads. I checked, they both checked, mother fuckers. River is a 7. I make a min bet. One guy folds, other guy calls. I make 5 big blinds.

The guy who paid me the extra 30 chips calls a decent preflop raise by me in position a couple hands later. I am holding AJ. Flop comes something like 8TK. Gut shot and an over only. He checks, I decide I should check to switch it up- maybe this was wrong. Turn is another king. Not putting in money now! He checks, I check. River is another fucking king. I feel reasonable about my ace now- provided he doesn’t now have quads. He checks, I check, and his 88 wins.

So, quads and an AJ later I am up 2 big blinds.

Trapped myself a bit by hitting a pair and a flush draw (sound familiar?) when my continuation bet met a reraise and I felt I was committed. Lots of outs too. So I call- I do not complete- two pair wins it… for the other guy.

I continued as a desperate small stack until 5Ts called my all in with A4s (same suit) and he hit… guess… wait for it… guess… 2 pair.

NEXT!

Okay, going back to 2.25. Regardless of my concerns about player quality my bank is now chopped in half since I started. I’ve had nothing resembling profitable play in weeks… I might as well throw away my money slower.

Funny, true, sad, pathetic story. Pocket sixes. 8 high board. River completes a flush (3 cards) and pairs the board- two fours. My opponent made a small bet that I feel I could reasonably call based on my second pair hidden status… I folded because the 44s. Since I am almost 100% negative for 2 pair.

Note: I know this is wrong. I no longer believe it matters.

DAY TWO

I am signed up for a 5+5 SNG 45. It needs another 20 or so people so I’ve got some time. Let’s hit some updates.

It should be clear to anyone reading this that I am frustrated and having a hard time. Mostly, I am in a near panic and hopeless feeling state because I don’t know how to change or where to turn. I *feel* as though I am on an extreme- or perhaps even improbable- edge of the standard deviation. Lately I’ve been trying to actually get some science to back up my “sense” of what the range of probability should be and for how long. My Poker Tracker is up to 2131 hands. The folks on 2+2 ask you to not even post unless you have 10k+. I’ve heard you need 10k, 25k, and 100k from different sources. So, I’ve got no problem saying that the 2k of death cards is statistically insignificant. At the same time, I was coming off 5 weeks of hell when I bought Poker Tracker to set my mind at ease. I had to wonder “am I really just discounting all the times my cards hold up?” But I estimate that 5 week binge at about 15k hands. It’s not “real data” the way the 2k in Poker Tracker are… But emotionally I am nearing a 20k streak of comically bad hands. It is going to be very tough to put the right foot forward for 10k+ more hands if things don’t change.

Anyway, regardless of the cards, I know I am not “the best poker player I can be” and to A) be duly diligent and B) do something else to stem tide I’ve been trying to dig into the theory and science more. Hence, lots of reading.

Played my first hand. Raised into a small stack with position. I had AJoff. He went all in with K6off. Guess who won?

Seriously, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

I stole a much limped into pot from the BB. Then we went on break.

So, I feel that I am getting bad beat, cold cards, and missing flops at a rate that is inconsistent with the norm. I recognize and acknowledge that over time my results should trend towards the norm. The frustration I have is that I feel like, and again we are talking feelings- which I am addressing now with tracker, my results are not converging. Will they converge eventually? I can’t argue that they won’t, but my concern is that if that happens too far in the future I will have come to ruin before then.

Truth is little help in this. He sometimes throws out a “oh dude that sucks” hang 1- JJ in the SB…

Okay JJ holds up to A6off and I knock out the guy who doubled through me a minute ago. This is how the cards should play, but when he calls and I see A6off I immediately feel like I am fucked. Sad.

Anyway, Truth. Other than that his attitude is very much “the cards are the cards- you need to play better.” He will sometimes say things that can be interpreted as, “it will even out over time” but there is no sensitivity to how consistent or for how long it has been like this. So, with Truth being (probably) tired of listening to me cry and also not being a help- I turned to “teh internetz” where I found the 2+2 forum.

So far I am impressed. It seems well managed- good signal to noise ratio- the people seem to know what they are talking about- and, most important to me right now, it is chock full of hard core math discussing standard deviation and EV and more.

Blinds at 25/50, in the BB with AToff, I called a 3x from mid. We checked to the river, I never connected, and I folded to his bet. I probably could have stabbed at it at some point, but I just “felt” like he was hoping to reraise me.

I was actually a bit (was? Am!) intimidated by this forum. Lots of jargon and acronyms I don’t know and lots of math and everyone seems to be a winning-over-time player. So I wanted to take the humble approach and do the legwork before I started asking for help. Reading the beginner FAQ and all the recommended threads…

Tried a slightly more than min raise from mid with 44. THREE freaking callers. Board came JQQT5. With two players behind and one in front- clearly I let this go.

And with those failed moves I am back down to roughly the starting stack. There is a very aggressive guy at my table taking a lot of pots. I want to do something about it but my cards are ranging from poop to speculative. I read an article through Full Tilt recently from one of their pros. It was precisely for how to deal with this. Something like “How To Deal With An Aggressive Big Stack Bully.” Don’t bother looking it up- I will synopsize for you: Reraise him with KToff, flop a full house, reraise every street to the river, go all in, and have him call you with nothing. Simple right? Gee thanks Full Tilt Pro I’ve never heard of!

I am in 14 of 23 with the starting stack- which is half the average. M is 10. Small stacks starting to make their moves.

And I am crippled the hand after I write that. I fucking hate the blinds.

BB, T7off
Five limpers.
Flop is paired and gives me open ended.
Not something I feel good acting first of six into so I check
Last to act bets half the pot. I’ve got outs to call that and tons of implied equity if it doesn’t get reraised so I call.
One guy folds- everyone else calls. Five people now.
Turn pairs my 7.
Still, second pair, paired board, lots of people saying maybe they have a hand, so I check.
It checks around.
River is a blank- even with odds I don’t know why I chase hands. By all means check my tracker- if I am not at 10% or less of the hit rate I’ll suck somebody’s dick on the internet.
I check, guy behind me makes a bet- half the pot- everyone folds. It is a very tempting pot for somebody to try and grab… I have a hand… I call it.
He flopped the full house.

I push all in with 88, same guy calls with 66. Rivers his 6. Game over.

Signed up for another.

Anyway, so doing all the pre-reading to make sure I don’t look dumb on this forum. One of the subjects in the FAQ was “should I move up to a level where people respect my raises” to which the answer was “hell no, if you can’t beat bad players you can’t beat good ones!” which is fine. It went on to say “if this is your problem read the How To Beat Players Who Don’T Fold” article. Also, fine. So I read it. What did it say? Value bet with the best hand. Uhm… Again, I know I am at 15k soft hands and 2k real hands but… two fucking pair is a LOSER over time for me. What the fuck do you guys think I am doing that is leading to my losing? Do you imagine I am bluffing? I am a fucking rock- sort of… I am losing because I am seeing FAR FEWER good cards that hit flops than I should and getting sucked out on WAY more than I should.

Let’s do a quick review of that last game.

AJoff to K6off, I am 64% to win, I lose
JJ to A6off, I am 71% to win, I win
T7 on the 899 board… I was 44% to hit something that made me feel good- I did not.
88 vs 66, I am 80% to win, I lose

My stealing of the blinds was a bluff. I had no other reasonable (according to Harrington) opportunities to do anything. I don’t see anything here other than shitty luck- am I missing something?

Anyway, next match is going.

Okay, seriously, this is not a joke.

First hand I have AKoff- I win a decent pot of about 600 chips when my raise gets called but my cbet does not.

A while later…

44 early. UTG limps. I limp- more people limp.
Flop is 4AA.
Checks to me, I bet the pot
Guy behind me calls- I know he has an ace.
Everyone else folds.
Turn is a Q
Did he limp with AQ?
I bet the pot
He reraises me all in
I call
He turns over A5.

River is a 5.

THE RIVER WAS A FIVE.

84.5% to win.

Thanks.

Next.

But seriously, I feel like I am going to puke. It is like this every day.

Truth tries to argue that looking at tournament ending hands is a bad thing to look at since it is preselected as losing hands- sec

Two hands. Another god damned mother fucking open ended draw with the odds to call that did not hit. Followed by 44 (hhhmmm) that my limp was countered wit ha raise and a reraise.

Okay, so Truth- preselected hands. He also says that they are bad to look at since I was more likely to get called. But in the vast majority- and by vast I mean 80% of the hands- I would WANT the call. I *intentionally* am in a position for all my chips with the best hand and am losing.

Several limpers into my SB. I’ve got A4 so I make a push to steal. BB calls, all the limpers call, and the button limper goes all in. Well, A4 isn’t up for that so I fold. A middle position limper called. They turn over JT and KQ. Flop is 7AA. Anyway- original raiser gets fucked- awesome.

Then, I make a steal move with KT. I get a caller. Flop is Q high. We both check. Turn is a K. I bet the pot. He calls. River is an ace. He makes a min bet- 10% of the pot. I call. He turns over AQ. He didn’t bet his top pair top kicker until an overcard- which I fucking hit- lands. Then he fucking calls me and gets his four outer on the goddamn river?

So now I am all-in UTG with KQ. Same guy calls. He has AJsuited. We chop when the board straights. Note: This is the same guy who called the all-in with JT to win.

God my head hurts.

I won with 2 pair. Go me. All-in UTG with KJoff. M is like 4, we are missing a player or two… A6off calls me. I flop 2 pair. He hits NOTHING. *I’m back baby!*

(just in case its not clear- that is sarcasm and humor!)

Still pretty much just looking for a place to put all my chips in sadly.

Won another race! Maybe it is real!

A8off vs 33. I feel a little bad for the guy too. He had just doubled up against a loose aggressive big stack. He was mid position- there were limpers- he makes a min raise… giving them the fold button I suppose. I push all in with my A8. Everyone folds- (SQUEEZE!) and then he calls off half his stack with 33. I actually won by 4 straighting to the ace. But even knowing he had 33 with the limpers in the pot I think I’d be happy to take that hand on… not sure- but why would he put in half his chips like that? What does he think I have? Other than 22 or the WORST 20 hands in poker it is a race at best.

Then, full value from AA- that was nice. The guy got me tit for tat though with AA the next hand against my AT. But he was seriously short stacked and I won a sidepot that had me coming out even anyone.

Anyway, all said and done I am in 5 of 23. NO SUCKOUTS PLEASE!

(unless they are in my favor- I am due some)

Okay, ready?

Loose aggressive guy that I’ve traded blows with is now short stacked (thanks to me hitting my AA first) and he makes a min bet from late. I am in the BB with 8Tsuited. I call and flop 2 pair. Awesome. I know he has no options left- but he COULD fold now and keep being short stacked. I check and he, as expected, bets, and I put him all in. He turns over A5. He has nothing. Turn is a 5. River is a 5.

I was 92.5% to win here btw.

I am really struggling to keep my cool and bet appropriately.

And for a double kick in the nuts- after being knocked to 13 of 16… we go on break. Motherfucker.

RUNNER MOTHERFUCKING RUNNER MAN.

TOP TWO PAIR AGAINST “an over card”

Goddamn it man. That fucking bullshit hand is going to put me out of the fucking tournament. After the break the blinds are so high that it took me from solidly in the front of the field to “look for a place to shove” mode. Even though he was short stacked.

Hey, I got a suckout! Although, it was on somebody who deserved it. Guy limped with TT. I limped in the SB with A6. Flopped TPTK (low board) and pushed. He calls, of course, with his over pair and I hit an ace for two pair… oh! Holy! I won with two pair too! Heh! Anyway, serves him right for not raising preflop. I might have shoved then too given my stack, but still.

The Big Dumb Loud One just came home from drinking- he has a friend (a dude) with him. So my plan to move to poker on TV after this is probably shot.

Man, this is the worst table situation EVER. Short handed- until final table. Guy to my left is the chip leader- guy to his left is a smallstack ready to shove. So, every round is FAST and EXPENSIVE and I can only play premium hands.

Rebalanced is good. Raise with 77 called is bad. Missed flop and c-bet reraised is worse.

Guess what- I am a shove bot again.

Miracle. Got a free flop in the BB with 56off. Flop has two sixes. I check, other guy bets, other guy calls, I go all in… and the guy on the flush draw calls. He doesn’t hit it. OMG, back in!

Well, 7 of 10 but still.

7 of 9. Final Table baby!

OOH I AM SO LUCKY! The Big Dumb Loud One was just grabbing some stuff and they left!

WOOOT! I am so happy!

7 of 8 and still in shove city I think.

M is 6… I might be able to get away with one call or min raise before I am shoving… not sure. Meh, I might have enough stack left after a 3x.

Okay, so two guys are actually below me now- but we are all real close. If I outlast them I am getting paid. Then there are two guys with about 50% on me and then the monster stack.

Note: 50% up guy is all in vs. monster!

Monster folds! Not what I wanted to see!

And the blinds went up. Shit!

Not sure I can do anything elegant now.

AJ suited in the SB!

FUCK I FOLDED IT! Early raised 3x, big stack called… I couldn’t pull the trigger!

Note: Flop came QJ something- not my suit. So, it would have been scary if regardless… Mistake? All in was basically double what they already had. I’d be giving them odds to call… If I pushed they would be looking at 2200 into 7500 or something. And one guy STARTED the bidding, and one guy has 8 x everyone else’s chips. I think this was a good fold.

Big stack knocked out the remaining 50% guy (remaining because the first one doubled up a bit ago).

So, now we are down to 6. Two of us at 4k. One guy with a big blind more than us. Then a 50% more guy, a triple guy, and the big stack.

Oh, heh, I thought this was the bubble- nope- in the money!

I steal the blinds with AJ and then go all in the next hand with AQ. Big stack calls with A5. Flop hits ALL AROUND him. 87, flush cards, but never completes. Q wins it. HOY!

6th and 5th might as well pay the same but 4th is a nice increase. I am now solidly in 4th!

This is always such a volatile phase though.

Blinds are soo tempting to steal, nobody wants to get knocked out, small stacks NEED to double up… Crazy motivations.

Scary, KJoff in mid. Min raise. One caller, stole it after the flop. Oh man, adrenaline!

And BLAME we lose a body. I am happy- moving up the payout ladder- and sad- guy who took him out stole a limper or two also. He was the same size as me but is now double. Then a walk!

AQsuited- I 3x it from hijack and get repopped all-in. Not what I want but at this stage I don’t think you can toss AQsuited. Sorry Chad! I call. He has 88.

AND I WON ANOTHER MOTHER FUCKING RACE!!!!!!!

I am shooting DAMN NEAR 50/50 tonight.

I go out in 4th. I could have held on for 3rd. I fucked up. I “played” and should not have. I should have sat tight- after my double up the small stack had almost no chance of catching me. I won 22.5 and would have won 36.

I had A3off in the BB. Button limped. SB limped. I repopped it 3x. Immedietly I thought “if I am going to do this move with two limpers I need to do it heavier. Big stack calls- other guy folds. Flop comes 834. I continuation bet it. He reraises me. Did he limp with a pair? A8 or A4? I don’t think I believe him. I call. I should have reraised all in or folded as calling left me with less than the small stack. Turn pairs the 4. Unless he hit that 4 I think it might scare him and I go all in. Now, I know I don’t have any stackweight behind this move. He has odds to call me with NOTHING- but you need to swing I think. He had played K8. My bad luck he flopped top pair and wasn’t scared of me having a pair.

Nevertheless this was BY FAR me least UNLUCKY game in almost 2 months. And I would say that my ratio of sucksouts, races, etc… Was probably about “average”. I would also say without ANY DOUBT that my hands were BELOW average.

Anyway, first time I’ve been able to really enjoy a game. It’s too hard to be happy when your teeth are getting kicked in.

I was going to watch TV but now I am doing another!

Okay, now, a little self beating real quick here. My final hand was STUPID. After making 4th I should have done another analysis of the payouts. Everything about that hand was foolish. I could maybe kinda make an argument for the raise and the cbet. Everything else was foolish. I could have folded at that point and been fine. Dang it!

This is a second tier problem though. I played that poorly 100% *because* of my experiences this past 7 weeks. I played that way because I was overly damaged and out of practice after getting fucking plowed for no good reason immediately in almost every goddamn game. Okay, brush it off.

Okay, rock out! I was feeling a little nervous since the first hand a guy tripled up. Then, a few hands later I have JJ. I raise and two small stacks all-in with me. I almost double when they both have crap and I hit a set and river a full house! Jubilation man. Jubilation.

6 of 39 going into break. Not a bad start! I hope I can balance my elation and my ennui and play hands aggressively without being foolish (like when I went out last tourney).

I just added a rule to my “10 Rules I will Never Break” list. This was a Wannabe suggestion BTW. The rule was “I will always consider the value of each payout level once I am in the money.”

And my lead is gone and I am hurt. Why? I min raised the BB with A4suited. Hit the ace but he hit 2 pair with his ace. Shiiiit!

At least he had a better hand and did not play it wrong.

Oh but I am still full of… something. Shit! Grrr!

Jesus, same guy doubled up THE NEXT HAND with two pair again. WTF?

Okay, I am out. I push all in with 66, get called my A5off. I flop a set but the board FIVE FLUSHES but his 5 was better than the boards 3. Fuck me.

TV.

Back- doing a 3+3 deep knockout. First han TPTK tripled up… I would have quaded had I stayed…

I just STUFFED a piece of pizza in myself. I didn’t know I was so hungry, but man… I guess all that victory earlier… I joke. Its funny how invigorating that win was given how insignificant it was relative to my past couple of months. Oh well.

Anyway, chipped up 33% with top pair under kicker… actually 2 pair since the board paired… The other guy had the same pairs but his kicker was less than the board even. I would have liked to try and take more money from him, but my hand just wasn’t that strong and he had already QUADED UP (9 hands into the tourney) so he was somebody who was willing to throw a lot of volatility…

That was actually one of the only hands I’ve seen so far without an all-in. Based on this I am folding KQoff from mid with no action in front of me. I will give these guys a couple of blind rounds to cool their jets.

Yeah, this is crazy. A quarter of the field dropped in the first blind round.

I also signed up for a 180 that had almost nobody in it… It’s up to 60 now. Shit, Full Tilt fart. I drew ATs UTG and decided that I could make a little play with it- I made my raise then lost my connection. If I did anything other than scoop I’ve probably auto folded by now. Fuck that!

Okay, I got back before I auto lost. Scary too because the SB reraised me- but a min reraise. I will call it if the BB doesn’t do something stupid. He is currently disconnected and there is a status message about connectivity issues being resolved… sort of funny.

Gay. Flop was K2K with none of my suit and he bet into it. Done!

70 into the 180 now… I wonder if I will have to unregister. If it fills up this quickly into the 90 I don’t want to do it…

Ooh! Adrenaline! AQs in the BB. Mid position 4x, 2 callers. I pot size reraise- and two of them call. The pot is now bigger than my stack. I flop TPTK with 2 flush cards on the board… all in. Shockingly- they folded. Still, almost a double up!

90 knock-out went on break and 180 started while I was peeing. No hands dealt but cannot unregister. So, I will double it. And I hope “it” isn’t somebody’s chip stack.

Out of the 90. Irritated with the world about it. The guy who had tripled up first hand gave half of it back before the break. In the two hands before the break he doubled up and tripled up to be the chip leader. Then, after break, I get him into fairly big pots and flop VERY strong hands. Because of all his shenanigans I tried, both times, to push all-in expecting a call. He folded both times- coward!

Then, I flop top pair queen kicker on a board of 39A and we bet and raise and see cards and they are not scary and eventually it goes all in. Fucker had A9 for the two pair and I was crippled. I then pushed all in (against him) with KJ suited. He calls with 66. I flop four to the flush but still can’t make it pay. Done.

Meanwhile, a few early chip-ups in the 180 (never with super strong cards) have now been blinded off. I guess, given that I’ve yet to “play” I should be totally happy to be at the starting stack. I basically saw 24 hands for free.

Turning my full attention to it in 80 of 116. Pays 18 spots.

Truth is home safe from his Gay Pride Rally in SF and we got to chat a bit. He went to Bay 101 this morning and cashed in a field of 122. I am proud/jealous as has become the norm. He is going tomorrow to their Saturday tourney which has a buy-in of 200.

Okay, AS PER THE RULES, I need to own up to something awesome that just happened.

I drew AA and almost doubled up- although I made my shove at a scary moment when there was a KQof clubs on the board. He folded.

And then AA again two hands later.

The second time I had multiple callers preflop and the damn board came all suited- but of my suit. So I felt okay pushing. I doubled up and cracked a small stack. The guy who doubled me had KK of the same suits as me!

Cracked a guy with TT when he pushed all in with second pair… Sadly I was reseated from the fucking button to UTG- I thought this didn’t happen online? And proceeded to give away those winnings over two hands. Namely A9 against AQ. Where the Q held up and I doubled a small stack. How do I lose on both sides of that fucking hand?

Still, 7 of 67…

10 of 62 at break. Maybe slightly off- some tables are still playing.

I was just reading a post on 2+2 that talked about “feeling entitled to a pot where your money went in good” and I want to be clear that I do not feel entitled to those pots. What I feel entitled to is a quantity of those pots consistent with the edge I had at the decision point. It’s when I lose 4 coinflips in a row and a 5-1 that I start getting pissed and even that is mostly because I don’t think I ever win 4 coinflips then a 1-5.

Okay, massive chip hemorrhage. I guess after doubling up the guy with A9 I felt that I needed to even things out. I paid off two more guys in rapid succession dropping myself from top 10 to mid pack.

Fuck this is horrible. Another half my stack gone. I keep getting moderate strong hands in position and missing.

Now in 41 of 55. This is fucking awful and 90% my fault.

Doubled up to “not hurt so bad” with AKs against KQoff.

OMFG. I cannot begin to tell you how fucking frustrating it is to lose your fucking network connection when you are looking at a pocket pair.

But then, coming back and seeing AKs and pushing all in and getting called by AQoff and it holding up is pretty awesome. Holy shit, back to 11th!

12 of 34 with an M of 30.

So, Truth snores. And it is AMAZING when he does. I can literally feel the bass through the wall. When I snore I wake myself up. It barely almost sort of bothers me sometimes when we share a hotel room. I can’t complain because he pretty much ALWAYS has to pay… so I am a whore and whores can’t bitch about their pimp’s snoring. I’ve got horrific sleeping issues. Actually, similar to poker, one of my biggest problems is that I get to where I expect to get fucked. The only time his snoring is an issue is when I know we only have like 3 hours to sleep- so since I expect to have trouble my brain finds any issue. If we have a full night or don’t need to getup it is never an issue. I actually think it is kind of cute.

Called a min raise in the BB with QToff. Decent hand, 1 into 4… missed the flop, folded to a cbet.

13 of 30. I like this ratio. If I could play no more hands and hit 16 of 18 that would be okay.

Antes started- M reduced to 20. Lots of short stacks will be shoving now.

Dropped 20% of my stack while mantraing to stay out of trouble. Small stack- second to last place- made a move all in when I had AJ so I called expecting Ax or KQ or something… he had KK.

Not in DANGER but unlikely to fold to the money now. Will need to see some good cards.

17 of 26 going into the next break. Some tables still finishing so that might change a bit. Stack is 7,059 right now, blinds are 150/300/25 for 675 a lap. The small stacks are really clinging and I am due for some cards. Other than that AA earlier I’ve had no premium hands today (was the JJ that got cracked by 77 today? If so I guess I’ve had 3- but still in 9 hours… I am due) so I am due. Gimme gimme and let them hold up!

Small stacks are all chipping up stealing and doubling while I get dick for cards repeatedly. I had 44 UTG+2 and UTG went all in for half my stack. Other than that I’ve seen only poop!

Seriously, we are still at 26 and without putting any money out- or seeing any cards to play- I am in 20th- with less than 100 chips separating me from 23rd. Guys are doubling left and right with shit like J7off against 88. AAaaarrrgghhh! I feel so helpless!

And now blinds go up. I am not only not getting cards- but anytime I am REMOTELY in position to steal there is action ahead of me.

J6s early? Pass. Good thing too- AA went all in vs A7s. small stack doubling.

J6off next hand? Pass. Another all in AQ vs KQ. This time KQ busted somebody.

25off in the BB with raises? Nope.

48off in the SB? With an all in and a call in front? Nope. Lost somebody else though!

96off on the button? Pass. Blinds went all in too so, yay me. (QQ vs. KJ)

Rebalanced from button to hijack- so that is okay.

K3off? Folded with action in front.

19 of 21 now though. Gotta hate that.

47off? Still waiting!

QQ- here it is! Sadly, I only get the blinds. (4x raise, wanted a big stack to put me all in)

7Ts in early? Pass.

93off UTG? Nope.

Another smallstack just doubled. Grrr…

A3off in the BB. 4x from the SB. Give it up!

3Js in the SB. Nope.

A6off on the button. UTG limped- I tried to limp too. SB fucked it up for everyone. It turns into a all in challenge at after the turn- I missed everything.

Ooh, AA in hijack. 3x and scoop- FUUUCK!

J4off. Pass.

76off. Skippit.

AQoff UTG short handed. All in. And now I get callers. And from AK no less. He hits a K. I am out on the bubble.

Fuck my life.

bleeding out...

Ninja.

I am feeling very lost.

A few weeks ago I had something of an epiphany… or a coming to Jesus moment after reading some of Wannabe’s blog. For this to make sense we must go back several months.

I was on my little poker learning journey and had developed a solid grasp of the mechanics, the math, the flow… whatever. I had become a solid player. Over the course of several weeks I experienced a bunch of bad beats that and a few discipline cracks. I had about 6 tournaments in a row where I either got just flat out fucked by the math or I fucked myself because of the doubt/confusion/frustration that it caused. Then, to cap it off I had a couple more bad beats. Meanwhile I watched a lot of very loose aggressive players get rewarded. And not nameless “it always seems like there is one player who…” sort of stuff- I watched the same assholes get rewarded again and again.

This lead to a bit of a crisis of confidence in my strategic choices and I started opening up my game- playing more hands… chasing draws… whatever. It *felt* like maybe it was working as my results seemed to improve. But the reality was I went from a solid player getting very unlucky very early on to a shitty player getting what was due to him a little later on. I floundered, changed my game more, and soon was lost.

When I found Wannabe’s blog it acted as something of an anchor for me. It reminded me to believe in what I knew. He put words to many of the things I’d been feeling and described, with creepy accuracy, some of the experiences I was having. The coolest thing about this was that I was reading something he had written years before.

And so I settled down, returned to the path of “right thinking” and focused on making the right plays. Quality starting hands, position play, selective aggression, game theory, etc… And I my record changed accordingly. For weeks I was cashing in 50-70% of my 9 seat SNGs. I had good cards, bad cards, suffered the occasional bad beat, and the occasional discipline break… But overall very solid and predictable results.

Then the 17 of 20 day. I played great poker. I recorded the whole thing. But it was a non stop bullshit suckout festival. And now, almost 4 weeks later, I haven’t had a day with results I am proud of. Included in this is list was my live poker trip to hell- I mean Blackhawk.

I recognize that even the best players will not win every time. You can’t really win on the day you get shitty cards or your cards don’t hit the board. I mean, sure, sometimes you can pull something out- but generally if you draw the short straw and don’t get the tools you are not going to win. Also, you will sometimes just run into the unlikely holding or the improbably suckout. So, you factor that into your expectations. I would like to tell you that I think those circumstances should add up to maybe 25% of your total play. 25% of your games (assuming single table SNG) you are just going to get fucked and lose- period. That is- after you are out you look back and say, “there was no reasonable way that could be avoided- I made good choices based on the cards I had.” Then, you fight for the remaining 75%.

My problem is that it seems to be more like 50% or greater of my SNGs are of the “how could you possibly avoid that?” circumstances. Guy limped with AA. Board is K22J. I am holding KJ. Guy limped with AA. Board is AJ5. I am holding AJ. I push all in and get called by KT who hits his Q on the turn. I hold QQ against a board of 983 and push all in. I get called by 55 who sets up on the turn. IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, but how often and for how long? I just did some quick tabulation and I am looking at roughly 50% over the course of 96 tourneys. 80%+ are STT SNGs. The rest are a smattering of multi table SNGs, full tourneys, and live games.

Contrary to any reasonable bankroll management system I am playing a 20+2 SNG 9. 20% of my bank. I’ve been wanting to try it for a while to see if the flavor of the competition is different. Also, foolishly I am sure, I still “believe” my luck will change.

I will record all my hands here- probably redundant since I’ve got Tracker…

SB 82off,
3x from hijack
Fold

Button 99
No action before me 3x
Reraise to 300 from SB
I call based on hand strength and position
Flop is Q88
He bets the pot
I fold

Hijack K4off- fold

Cutoff A7suited
No action in front
3x
Scoop

Not the start I wanted.

UTG+2 K8off- fold

UTG+1 K5s- fold

UTG J2off- fold

BB Q3off- fold to 3x from UTG

SB T6off- fold

Button 26off- fold to min raise from UTG

Fuck that first hand hurt me mentally.

Hijack 5Joff- fold with no action

Cutoff K9off- fold with no action

I would not have called that reraise with 88. 99 was pretty questionable. There was no way I could make the post flop call for half my stack.

Mid A5off- fold with a limper in front

UTG+2 K8s- fold with no action

UTG+1 69s- fold

UTG A7s- fold

Blinds are 25/50 I am at 1,120 chips

BB A7s- walked

SB A2off
No action, 3x raise
Call from the BB
734 flop
I check
He checks
Turn is a K
I bet half the pot
He calls
River is a J
I check
He checks
He turns over QJs

Button 23s- fold

Hijack AToff- fold to 3x (he mucked face up with AA after scooping)

Cutoff 86off- fold

Call to the river and hit a jack guy (also reraise my 99 guy) has me down to 895 chips. Not much more room for anything other than all-in to win. GG, IGHN it feels like.

Mid 76s- fold with a call in front of me

UTG+2 AJs
UTG makes a min raise
I reraise 2.5x
He calls
Flop is 7T8
He checks
I check
Turn is a 9
He bets half the pot
I go all in with my straight
He folds

UTG+1 A5off- fold

UTG AK off
3x
SB calls
Flop is 9QJ
He checks
I check
Turn is a 9
He checks
I check
River is a T
He checks
I bet the pot
He calls
I take the pot- he had Q7off… why did he call? Why didn’t he bet?

BB 62s- fold

SB T4s- fold

Button 68off- fold

Hijack Q8off- fold

First player goes out

Cutoff KQoff
3x
Button calls
Flop is 3Q9
I bet the pot
He reraises all in
I fold my top pair

Mid TT
3x
scoop

UTG+2 28off- fold

UTG+1 28s- fold

UTG 56s- fold

I should have called that all in. I am sure I had the odds for it.

BB 4koff- fold

40/80 blinds, 1627 chips, one person out 1687 average chips

SB AKoff
Button limps
4x
BB folds
Button folds

Button K2off- fold

It would have been 650 more into a 1550 pot when I had top pair and second kicker. Hhhmmm… Yeah, should have called.

Hijack A4off- folded with no action in front of me

Cutoff 24off- fold

Mid 37off- fold

UTG+2 QJoff- fold… wanted to play it but too weak too early

I missed a hand somewhere.

UTG 67off- fold

BB T4off- fold

SB 53s- fold with raises

Button J7off- fold with a raise in front

Hijack 79off- fold

My two reraisers go all in preflop AK vs QQ. QQ holds up.

Cutoff 8Toff- fold

Mid 65off- fold

UTG+2 K2s- fold

I did not miss a hand- we lost a person!

UTG 84off- fold

Blinds are 50/100, still averagish in chips

BB A2off- fold to a 3x from UTG

SB J7off- fold

Button 84off- fold

Blinds go to 60/120

We get an all in and a call with AQ and AK

Hijack 9Toff- fold to an all in

Cutoff 56off- fold

2 short stacks now

Mid Q2off- fold

We lose another player when AK takes out smallstack QQ

UTG T7off- fold

BB T6off- fold

SB 86s- fold to a raise

Button KT
3x
BB calls
Flop is QT8
He checks
I bet half pot
He folds

Hijack 84s- fold

Cutoff 58off- fold

A 300 less than average chips now.

UTG+1 4Toff- fold

80/160 now

UTG 49off- fold

BB 56off- fold

SB Q9off- fold with action in front

Button QJoff
No action
Slightly less than a 3x
SB goes all in.
Of course I let it go.

Not putting my tourney on the line with QJ but this short stacks me.

Hijack A2off- fold

Cutoff J7off- fold

Yeah, that fold put my M at 4. Should I have been in all in mode instead of raise mode?

UTG+1 AQs
All in
Called by KK
I hit a Q
The KK holds up.

5+5 SNG 9

Truth is trying to convince me that if I played more aggressively I would stay above the curve and not be having this problem.

Talking with Truth- I went out to KK vs. AQ but don’t remember how I got there.

5+5 SNG 9

Ran second nut flush into nut flush- we both played suited hole cards.

Servers down for maintenance. Fuck I feel unsatisfied.

I resisted... but at least it was gentle.

Ninja.

Poker was terrible yesterday. So far it is terrible today. I wanted to play a bigger field so I joined a 3600… I went out before registration was over. Hey, at least I didn’t need to pay any blinds…

Guy with a fat stack (meaning he is eating other players whole- luckbox donk style) raises (actually, it was my big blind) and I’ve got KQsuited. I call. Flop comes TTQ. I feel pretty good about this- except that of course he raised with TJ. Done. I can’t blame anything but myself there I guess. I probably would have been content to sit and wait a bit except for yesterdays 6/7 loss session with 4 of those loses being bullshit suckouts. I swear that 50-75% of my bad play comes from being demoralized about the fucking retarded shit. On the one hand I’d like to “break that cycle” but on the other hand there is enough of the fucked up stuff that it would be impossible- at this rate- for me to be profitable anyway.

First SNG- AT cracked by 22. I would never win that from the other side- ever.

Second SNG- AA cracked by TT. Money in preflop.

Doing a 90 knock out- first hand I play is QQ. I raise preflop- two callers. Flop is J89 all spades- I’ve got a red and a club. First guy bets the pot- I fold, other guy calls. They bet back and forth- river completes my straight. They turn over T8 and 56. Neither with a fucking spade. People are fucking retarded. I don’t want to be one.

Second hand was AKs. I played the same way- got no action.

Third hand was QQ again- played the same way- 3x from mid. One caller. Flop is 68J with two clubs. I bet the pot. He calls. Turn is a deuce. I don’t have enough left to bet the pot so I go all in. He calls and turns over J8. Of course. River pairs the deuce giving me a better 2 pair. Not sure how to feel, but I can’t muster any joy in it.

Fourth was AKoff UTG. I made it 4x since my position was so bad. BB called. Flop came ace high, no straight, 2 flush cards. BB bet and I pushed all in. He folded.

Fifth was not on purpose. Saw a free flop with 89. Flopped open ended and 4 to a flush. I continuation bet and got three fucking callers. Nothing completed and I folded it.

Sixth was K6off in the small blind- steal and scoop.

Seventh was A8suited from mid. A big limping party formed so I got in on it. I flopped 4 to the and somebody made a medium sized bet- several callers- I tagged along with more than the odds I needed. Only a couple folds. Missed the turn. Raiser made a min raise, everyone called, I went along too. River, same thing- missed again. I called a 300 chip bet for a 4500 chip pot with ace high- they split with top pair. Would have been a massive coup if I’d hit my fucking flush… Gay.

Blinds are now massive and I could be in trouble. We are 60 hands in and other than the hands you heard about here I’ve had nothing worth even considering. Like, no KT, no JTs… nothing.

We are on break and I’ve got 4130 chips with 200/400/50. 1050 to play each round. 33 players left, I am at about half the average. I’d be just a hair under if I’d stayed out of the A8suited pot- but then I’d be top 5 if I’d hit…

I need to make some double up ops or I am in trouble.

Guy at my table hit trips to bust two people then a full house to bust three. He went from a stack about my size to the chip leader. The blinds went up and my M is now 3.

Oh, ha, and after they broke our table they put him on my right.

Oh man, play is going so slow that the blinds have gone up before they even came around to me. Best hand to make a move I’ve had was K2 with an all-in in front of me. Other than that I saw J3. T3. 73 utg… going into BB- man I hope it’s a hand!

300/600/75 with 2730. aarrgghhh

89off… that will do it I think… it folds to the SB (chip leader) who, of course, raises me- I push all in- he calls with seven fucking seven and hits his set.

FUCK YOU

I went out 22 and did not knock a single person out. Lame as fuck.

Thanks to two bad runs following my 17/20 (bad runs accounting for about 75% of my play since then actually) my bankroll is about demolished. I am in a 5+5 SNG 9 and signed on for a 6.5 90 knock out. I might as well enjoy my last few dollars.

I did not expect the 90 to fill up so fast. Oh well.

On another note… Its been a brutal couple of days emotionally. After my horrid trip to Co. I took several days off from poker only to get fucked in the ass my second day back. Hell, the first day I went 3 cashes for 4 and only made 9 dollars- they were just fucking folding slogs with shit for cards. Anyway, I get raped and that sets the tone. So much for shaking off the live results. Then today has been nice and gay so far, but I mostly can only blame myself. Where was I? Oh yeah, the other note.

So, I’ve been feeling down and playing and its cold and the weather sucks and I lit a candle. Truth came home from the hockey game and The Big Loud Dumb One was home. They are playing xbox and its sort of nice.

MEANWHILE BACK AT THE FUCKING ANAL RAPE HOUSE:

I raise from mid with KJoff. Flop open ended. Its only me and a small stack, he checks, I make a bet hoping he will fold his nothing. He check raises all in- fine- no way to fold and he has so few chips… He had a pair and an over card. I’ll let you guess if I hit a pair to beat his or if I hit my draw. Just guess. Feel free to use historic data.

7 hands into the 90k there is a guy who has 7x the starting stack. What the fuck???

Out in 3rd of my SNG 9. close chip stack between me and second place guy. He has pocket queens. I’ve got suited connectors. I hit my flush and push all in. One of his QQ was of that suit and he called- and rivered the four flush.

I can now focus more on the 90 knock out. Awesome- I love when I go out right as I write that sort of thing.

Several limpers into my BB. I’ve got KJoff. Board comes J33. I bet the pot. One caller- everyone else folds. Turn is a K. I push all in. He calls. With what? Pocket aces. Thanks to the 33 he has the better two pair. Hurray for fucking limping with aces!

Doing an 18 seat now.

I went out on the bubble when my A8 hit the following board 66835 against 55.

Seriously.

fuck poker tracker part 2

Chapter 2

Lets start with a recap.

I played 7 games earlier.

4 were horrific suckouts. Money in with a set, underpair calls- hits a full house. Money in with the nut flush, top pair calls- hits a full house. Money in with top pair, under pocket calls- hits a set. Pocket aces, hit a set on the flop but there are two flush cards, guy pushes all in, I put him on the nut draw and call- he hits the draw. The last one I might not categorize as a full suckout- he knew he was playing the draw and had decided to take his chances- I knew hew was playing the draw and had the math on my side… Meh.

1 was a third place cash. We went into the money with the guy to my right a massive chip leader. We quickly fell into the following pattern: he would raise every hand, if I pushed back all-in he would fold. The other guy was smart enough to stay out of it. What this meant was I either needed to push back with some shitty hands and hope he didn’t have a hand (not a great plan since he could pay me off three times before breaking a sweat) or I would need to “play with him” to get a full payoff. I hit a QT and decided to call rather than shove. Missed the flop and we both checked. Turn paired the board and we both checked- there are 3 diamonds now though. River gives me top pair and I instashove- then notice it made 4 diamonds. He called, of course, with the flush. He had played 25off.

1 was a loss with a decent lesson to learn, but it still grates since the guy was a fucking donkey. He raised from mid, I reraised from the blinds with AQoff. He called. Flop comes KQT. Gut shot, overcard, second pair. I don’t think he has AJ, but for not much more reason than hope I guess. Same with AA, QQ, KK, JJ… With my reraise though, he should probably be scared I might. Anyway, I decide to continue my show of massive strength with a check raise. I should have plenty of table image to work with here. I check, he bets, I raise almost all in. He calls. Turn is a 9. Now any jack has a straight. I am confident I am fucked- but also pot committed. He puts me all in, I call. The lesson was in making my check raise semi-bluff in a way that pot committed me. Anyway, he turns over KING FUCKING FOUR. To win with top pair shitty kicker. How does this guy make those two calls? How do I lose four whole sit-n-gos with top pair top kicker, set, top set, and two pair and this guy is going around making these fucking calls?

1 was a late stage loss where I just picked the wrong time to push. Blinds were getting high as people had been hunkered down. I shoved with AQ and ran into KK. Oops.

So, 2/3 horrific suckouts. One limp cash. One “that’s poker”. One tactical error.

How am I supposed to navigate around this shit? I would bet my DICK that Truth has less than 5 runs like this in his CAREER let alone roughly 30% or so of his play.

Oh yeah, 5+5 SNG 9

Down a third of my stack because a guy with a flush draw stayed in despite raises and reraises to hit his fourth spade on the river. Fuck my two pair.

MORE DEAD HORSE BEATING

How can Drunk Blond Poker win 75% of her SNGs? Is she lying? Is she pulling from a one day sample? I would say over time I am busting out to some flavor of “money in good suckout” 50% of the time. Of those I would say that 50% are fully tragic- the others I am short stacked and just unlucky. So, if I played PERFECT EVERY TIME, which I don’t- quite, I would still lose at least 25%.

What am I missing?

I watched a couple of videos of a guy the other day who is supposed to be really good at the SNGs. His strategy pretty much boiled down to “wait for top ten hands- win those… If you get down to an M of 10 just shove on any playable hand until you have chips again” What the fuck man?

I flopped an open ended straight draw with two overs just now. I love that. 14 outs, two streets to go. What do I get on those two streets? Two of the flop cards paired.

And now I am down to 1/3 of my chips.

QQ gets me the blinds and a limper.

My question about what I am missing is not rhetorical. People act like being positive over time is easy. Sheriff casually talks about how every evening he grinds out 20 or 40 bucks and is buying a laptop. AllenAlda alledged to pay his rent through SNGs for a while (Although I know he had some savings so its hard to say how firm his numbers are). Hell, my fucking brother-in-law talks about how fun it is to pop into Garden City and buy-in for 40 bucks and leave with 80 an hour or two later. Truth simply cashes all-the-fucking-time.

The only one of those players that I believe for even a second has anything on me is Truth and he is so ambiguous in his poker discussion that sometimes I doubt even that. I would say 15% of my loses can be chalked up to implosion- although 99% of those can be chalked up to all the fucking suckout bullshit. But, even if you nix those completely- pretend I just never played those 15%... I’d still be running TERRIBLE over time. Terrible in a way that I see no parallel with the other players I know.

So what am I missing?

I don’t play shitty starting hands. I push with position if there is no action with a slightly broader set of cards than I would just play. I occasionally, seldom though, chase drawing hands- example- I’ve played 8 SNGs today and I’ve done this with an open ended straight draw twice… In both cases I had the math to do it. I seldom bluff and when I do it’s the continuation of an action that didn’t work out. Like, I played two high cards and the flop hit all around me- so my continued play makes perfect sense since I would have treated the cards that did hit the exact same way. Other than position moves without action in front of me I NEVER just full-on bluff. I am not involved in too many pots. An argument could be made to say that I am too tight and should open my game, but I have a lot of trouble with that given that massive rate of suckouts and bullshit loses. If my premium hands that fucking HIT lose this often, how will playing shittier hands more often help?

This game sucks so far. Everyone playing like a turtle. Blinds are 100/200 with 6 players left. I am stealing as often as I think I can get away with it but I’ve been short stacked thanks to my two pair not holding up and my open ender not completing.

I doubled up through the other small stack when I called his all in with a slightly better ace. With less than M of 1 he pushes all in and I’ve got KQsuited. I reraise for protection. He turns over A2off. I flop 4 to the flush. I turn an open ender. He wins with ace high.

I make a steal with some limpers and another steal and suddenly am in second chip position. With an M of only 10 though it tells you how fucked the situation is.

I’ve stolen my way into chip lead.

I lose the chip lead when I double up that same guy again- this time A5suited to his 66.

Blinds are 120/240 now and we are on the bubble.

I am out on the bubble when I raise with top pair, get called, turn two pair, and push all-in, the two pair also gave me an open ended straight. A straight that ended in his overpair.

5+5 SNG 9

I counseled Joe, and this is not original material by any stretch, that he got sucked out on more than he sucked out because he was playing tight. This was within the first couple months of my play. Truth tried to make the point to me recently that my 17/20 day was really a good thing because it meant I was playing a solid game. What I can’t reconcile though is that I am not just “being saved at the last minute” or “winning the tournament” with a suckout. It just almost never happens. I make a big deal and write the shit down when it does. Tonight I haven’t sucked out once. I’ve lost many hands and FIVE FUCKING SNGs to it. I would think that statistically, for every tournament ending suckout… you would see a suckout somewhere else. Right? Some sort of balance?

When it gets like this I feel like a giant lead blanket is just pressing down on me. I can barely lift my head. I feel sluggish and inertia’d.

Note: I am again down 1/3 of my chips- how? Folding. Stole a couple of blinds, called two min bets when I saw a free flop from the BB and hit a shitty pair and a straight draw. But, we are talking less than 2 blinds of calling.

Twice this asshole has limped into my BB (when I’ve had cards I’d just as soon fold). Both times I hit bottom or second pair. Both times I bet, both times he called, and both times the rest of the board were nice big “anybody who WANTED in on this fucking hand must have one of those” cards that made me fold to subsequent betting. Blinds are up to 40/80 and my two best hands are A9 OFF and 44. I stole the blinds with both.

FUUUUUCCCCKKK YYYOOOUUU

Oh, 72off. Thanks for that.

I finally see a hand- down to almost half the starting chips at level 5 or so. KQoff in the SB. Button makes a steal move and I reraise all-in. Dumbass calls with fucking K9. And the board plays out so we chop. Thanks for that too.

Man I am tired of writing about bad beats and shitty cards. I feel like a Rodney Dangerfield skit though, “if it wasn’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all”

I just folded my third, fourth, and fifth ace of the tourney- all three were A2 and all three had an all-in in front of me.

I shove with 88- again no action.

Blinds go up and I get 82off. Thanks for that.

Fuck this is insane. Scraping along on the bubble bubble- the blinds are one level from the highest I’ve EVER seen them. And no two cards to rub together. What am I supposed to do? Shove with K4off? Q2suited? These are BY FAR the best hands I’ve seen in multiple rounds.

After a fucking RETARDED length of time playing the fold, fold, fold, fold, shove game I went all-in against a guy who had me stacked. I turn over my 66 and he turns over AKoff with the ace of diamonds (one of my sixes is a diamond). Flop is all diamonds. Turn is a blank. River is his king. We all knew I was lost when he flipped over for the race.

fuck poker tracker

Ninja.

Poker Tracker installed and running (thank you Truth) again (also thank you Truth) so I will stop recording my per tourney results in XLS. We will see how that works.

5+5 SNG 9

Lots of folding. Raised the SB when he limped and I had A8. Scoop. 5x from UTG with JJ- scoop. 3x from hijack with KJoff- scoop.

Can’t figure out a way to place the tracker elements that does not cause problems with the FT UI. I remember this being a pain before but I’ve got less real estate now… Hhhmmm

Got myself in some trouble with AQ. Strategic error I guess- mostly a donk got lucky and I played poorly after that. AQ in late. Raise from cut off- big stack… I reraised- he called. Flop came KQT. I hoped I could push him off with a check raise- but he had hit the king when he called with his fucking K4. At that point I had basically no chips left and it was over.

5+5 SNG 9

TT in the second hand. 3x raise from late.
BB reraises me
I call
Flop is J95 or something- two hearts.
I bet the pot
He reraises all in
I fold.

2/3 my chips gone.

There is nothing like the level of data required to draw anything resembling a conclusion from this. But this is what it has pretty much felt like since the 17/20 day.

Well, no, not true. Typically there is about twice as much folding between the fuckings.

I now feel impatient. This bodes ill.

And I am out. AJsuited in the BB with my 580 chips. Hijack raises with 900 or so. I reraise all-in. He calls with 44. Flop is JT2… turn is a 4.

Welcome to my life.

5+5 SNG 9

So, what do we have so far? Two tourneys- two people making fucking stupid calls- two people beating me. All the winnings from last night’s 3 cash out of 4 games are gone with tonight’s AWESOME 2 games- 2 loses streak.

At least now I have specific data and nobody can bitch.

Letting myself get fancy- this is bad. Parade of limpers into my BB with QJ. I missed the flop but decided to play BB-special and continuation bet. Two callers. Turn paired a card from the flop and I decided to check raise like I hit it. Sadly, UTG limper guy pushed all in over me so I let it go.

Then I ran AQ into AK.

My chip utility is now “all in to win” class. Go me.

Oh and out- I won back some chips and then…

Raised preflop with KJ. Reraised (min reraise) that I call.
Flop is QJJ
I check
He goes all in
I call
He turns over TT
Turn is a T.

Seriously, is it a wonder that I am depressed?

So, lets recap.

K4 raises and then calls a reraise. Hits top pair with a shitty kicker with a straight on the board… and calls a check raise (from the guy who reraised preflop).

AJ hit a jack on the flop- and loses to 44 hitting a 4 on the turn.

JJJ after the flop, guy with an underpair goes all in- I call with my set- he hits a boat on the turn.

5+5 SNG 9

Lets call this tourney “are you fucking kidding me right now”

This is my fourth tourney for the night. My fourth loss- third suckout. The other one the guy was just an idiot- although I made a bad move I guess.

I call a medium raise that already has a caller from late position. I am holding AJsuited.
BB calls. Four way pot.

Flop comes 889, two of my suit.

Small stack goes all in- I call, BB calls- three way pot now.

Turn gives me the nuts. I push all in.

Other guy calls with top pair Q kicker.

And spikes top set (for 9’s full of 8s) on the river.

5+5 SNG 9

Massive chip leader. Limped into a pot from the SB with 89suited. Flopped three-to-the and gutshot with 2 overs. Called a small bet then small stack went all in. Everyone folded and I decided that I had a lot of outs and he smelled desperate. I called- he had flopped the shitty flush- none of my outs came.

Still chip leader just by a small margin.

Went back to massive leader then doubled up a guy who had a shitty ace like mine- except his shitty kicker also hit for two pair.

5 handed atm

Out 3rd. I pushed top pair after the fourth flush card hit the board. It was an error but I was getting bullied mercilessly by the big stack- not sure I would have played it different even if I noticed.

5+5 SNG 9

Pocket aces, raise, two callers, two flush cards come on the flop- one caller goes all in- I figure him for the draw- I am still ahead- I call- other guy calls too with open ended straight draw. Flush guy hits- I didn’t look to see if I was second or third best.

Having dropped the 100 bucks on Poker Tracker I am well on my way to burning through my entire bankroll on 90% suckouts.

Truth is trying to be sympathetic- but his acting is poor.

5+5 SNG 9

1/3 of my chips gone when I flopped top pair and four-to-the. Top pair lost to two pair and the flush did not complete.

I don’t even know what game I am on. I ran AQ into KK and am going to bed.

Fuck poker. Fuck my life. Fuck poker tracker. Fuck donkeys who call reraises with K4. Fuck anyone who sucks out- hell, I will only get fucked about once every two weeks if we make that rule. And fuck anyone who says its just math. That means you Truth. I am fucking special.

First day playing back home (homegame not included)

Ninja.

Took a couple of days off. Not feeling well. Playing anyway. Computer running slow- feel like it needs a reboot but SNG has started.

Folded AToff on the button with limpers and a raise in front of me.

Folded QToff in middle late with a raise in front of me.

I’ve been trying to do some work with standard deviation as it applies to hole cards. So far it is beyond me. I’d like to be able to quantify my bad runs in this context to see if I am “running reasonable bad”, “running insanely bad”, or “running what the fuck baby jesus hates you bad”.

More folding.

JQoff in the BB.
Limper
Min raise from the button
I call
Other guy calls
Flop is 945
I check, button raiser makes it 2x the pot
I fold

Folded K3 from the small blind- would have flopped two pair for the price of half a limp.

Wait, full house on the river.

QToff on the button- folded with some action in front of me.

A8off in the BB, min raise from the button
I reraise to 4x, he calls
I miss the flop
Continuation bet of ¾
He folds

ATsuited in the SB
One limper
I raise 4x
BB reraises 3.5x my raise
I fold

KK on the button next hand
I steal the blinds- bleh

More folding.

I am thinking of going to a vlog (verbal blog?) format. Video seems overkill and I want the excuse to narrate the action. I had told myself I would start doing this for my own sake- to help focus on the action- meanwhile I was struggling to keep up with my transcription of the action. I put two and two together and…

I meant to bring home some chips from Co. but failed. I guess it is because I lost them all.

Blinds increasing.
Trying a midraise from mid with Q8 to see if I can scoop some blinds.
It folds to the BB, who goes into the tank, then reraises me.
The only hand I’ve seen him play was KK.
So I fold.

I draw 99 on the button
3x from hijack
I call
I hit second set
He raises
I reraise
He goes all in
I call
He turns over AA
Set holds up

And correction- KK guy… I never saw his KK. Just went back. He “said” he had KK. So, maybe a bad fold except I was pretty much bluffing with Q8suited.

TT in the SB
One limper
3x raise
BB folds
Limper folds

KQsuited one off the button
3x
Small stack goes all in for double my raise- I don’t think I can let it go.
He turns over AJsuited
I hit a Q
He is out

3x with 55 from early- we are 6 handed though
One caller
Miss the flop
He checks
I bet a little more than half the pot
He folds

Get a free flop in the BB with Q3
SB is a small stack
Flop top pair
He makes a small bet
I put him all in
He folds


I fold JToff on the button to a small stack all in

Folded A2off in the BB to an SB all in

Perhaps an error.

Small stack all in
I’ve got 66
I want him to myself
I push all in
Then realize I am doing it with 66
Well, isolation works
He turns over 88
Hits a set on the flop and I double him up

This hurts psychologically but I am still second in chips.

I get a walk with A7off.

I limp from the SB with Q2suited
I flop bottom pair and a flush draw
I make a pot sized bet with two left to act
First guy folds
Second guy goes all in over me
I call based on stack size alone
Flush completes on the river
Note: he had TPTK

I fold A8suited to a small stack all in

Another walk- this time with J5off

Min raise from the SB with K3suited- scoop

ATsuited on the button- 3x- scoop

I take a small pot from the BB when the SB limps and we check to the river. (ace high wins it)

Saw a free flop with Q8suited
Flopped four to the
Guy in front of me checked
I checked
Other guy makes a half pot bet
First guy goes all in
I fold
Better calls
Flush does not complete- good fold!

AQsuited in late- guy in front of me makes a 4x raise
I reraise about double that
Scoop

Folding 66 UTG 5 handed
I feel like there are some big moves pending and don’t want to get caught out with a hand I can’t defend. Major chip leader- so some freedom there.

Free flop with 92off,
Two limpers with me
I hit the 2
Smallblind bets
I fold

Four handed now

I am so mad at myself. I let my play be influenced by something I read earlier today and it cost me half my stack. There is NO EXCUSE for defending your blind without cards- EVER. EVER. EVER. Hitting middle pair is the WORSE thing that could happen to you after- or at least really bad.

Okay, small stack goes all in on the bubble
Everyone calls
So I call too
We check to the river where I hit quads
I bet about 1/3 the pot
I get one caller

Bubble is burst

I got out in third with second pair to top pair. Big stack put me all in with top pair shitty kicker. I didn’t grant the move much respect since he could pay me off and still be in solid position. Oh well.

5+5 SNG 9

AQoff in mid
Limper
Pot sized raise
BB and limper come with
Miss the flop
BB checks
Limper makes a small bet
I call with two overs
BB folds
Turn is another under blank
Limper makes another small bet
I call with my overs
River comes another under card
I am thinking how did I get myself into this?
Limper makes another small bet
I reraise about double his bet- this puts 2/3 of my stack in the pot
HE FOLDS

Holy shit!

AQoff again next hand
Min raise from early
Caller from late mid
Reraise from late
I decide to sit it out
It goes to all in preflop QQ vs KK

ATsuited in late
Couple limpers
I make a just under pot sized raise
They all fold

Sorry, was doing other stuff while I played. I did get my money in bad and suck out once, that was exciting.

I guess I shouldn’t have enjoyed it. When I went to close it out heads up with two pairs OVER his pocket pair he sucked out on the river. I made a good fight of it but pushed all in with A9 against his 99. FOR THE LOSE.

2nd

5+5 SNG 9

6th- went poorly from the start- bounced my top pair off and over pair (KK) to go out

5+5 SNG 9

3rd

Just a quick PS:

We had our home game last week right after we got back from Co. It was a low turn out- I had to bribe my brother in law by paying his buy in... even still, we were 5 handed. I took second, brother in law took first, I got my buy-in from him back. He runner runnered a full house to beat my flopped straight to NOT LOSE and get a big lead. Then he bluffed me off a shitty flush that would have brought it all back- then he closed me out... don't remember how.

HPT day 4

Ninja.

It isn’t supposed to be like this.

People say things like, “its just math” and that is all to the good- but I can’t get behind it. If I told you there was a 1 million to one chance of you winning and if you win you get 100 million dollars and if you lose you get anally raped- you would probably take that deal. If you lost it would suck pretty hard- but if given the option for a second chance- you would probably still take it right? I mean- a million to one… How many times do you need to lose before you decide that maybe, “its just math” isn’t enough comfort to keep you signing up?

So, signed into a 180 seat 2+25 and a 3600 2+25… not sure how many we will get in the second.

Lets review the trip shall we?

No, we shalln’t! We need to recap today.

Truth and I play the noon tourney at the Gilpin. I get AJsuited, AQoff, and AKsuited within the first six hands. I bet all three preflop. I get callers to all three. I miss all three flops- closest I came was a made flush of the wrong suit with the AK. I continuation betted my AJ, he called, we checked to the river, he bet, I folded- he mucked face up with a straight. AQ had multiple callers- lots of betting, I fold. It went to heads up and both players had better hands than me. The AK came the closest to connecting- I had spades and the flop was three clubs. I got out. The guy with the flush lost to a guy with a full house. Later, I’ve got TT in the BB. It folds to the small blind. She calls. I raise 5x, she calls. Flop comes QJJ. She bets- I fold. Now, with a third of the starting stack I push all in with JTsuited and pray- AQ calls to knock me out. I normally wait for better push hands, but lately even pairs and aces don’t hold up so I am trying to find a balance of “still had some chips for calling to be risky”. Its not working out.

So I am fucking pissed and I come back to the hotel and sleep.

Truth is on a heater at the craps table. He has turned 200 into 800. I meet him there before we go to dinner. He wants to play a little more since he is so hot. He puts some chips in front of me to bet too. He sets a number- we pile out the money- he craps out. We wait another round until its his turn again. He sets a number, we pile money out, he craps out. I’ve been with him 30 minutes and he has lost 25% of his winnings.

We go to dinner. It is good and free with Truth’s comp dollars.

We go to the tourney.

I get string of small pairs in the first hour. 22, 33, 44, 55, and 99. I fold the 22 to a reraise. I fold the 33 UTG. I scoop the blinds with the 44 and 55. I actually get a caller with the 99 and a continuation bet after the flop takes down some money- go team.

I actually buy into a few hands- table is pretty willing to show cheap flops- but not willing to fold to raises. So lots of party pots. I see pots with a couple of AXsuited, JTsuit, 87suited, that sort of thing. I connect with NONE of them. I open a pot with KJsuited and get two callers (note, this is not in order). I flop open ended and lead out- get callers. I turn the straight- but there is a flush- I bet again, two callers, we are all scared of the flush I guess and we check it down. Three way chop with the jack high straight. I had the best hole cards. We three way slip the BB and the SB.

Two more hands. I intentionally put a small stack all in with AJsuited. AJsuited feels like a fucking MONSTER since I haven’t anything better in the 2 hours I’ve been sitting there. He calls with 66. I flop four to the flush and still cannot pull out a fucking win. His stack was less small than I thought- I am hurt.

I get reseated. I get my blinds stolen and cannot defend in good conscious with T4 and T2. I get the SB folded to me and raise 3x and the BB calls. The flop makes a flush for me- I try to slow play it but she won’t put in any money. I toss out a token value bet on the river and she folds face up with 64off. I can’t even imagine why she called.

I am down to about 3 blinds and have T2suited in the SB. It gets folded to me and I take my shot- I get called by AJsuited- my suit.

Game over.

Game the fuck over.

So, Truth went to play more craps. Sheriff went to do a cash game. And even though I had 100 of Truth’s dollars in my pocket I opted to go back to the room.

I had an incredible streak of “can’t win even with the best cards” recently- I haven’t recovered. When you layer on “also you get very few cards” the game is unplayable. When you add in tourney director fuckups and getting seated from the button to the BB twice in two days… Come on. “Its just math?” No. Its not just math. Or rather- who fucking cares if its just math- my ass hurts.

I lost every penny I brought and then about 50% that much again in Truth’s money- probably 1200 total. I regret my play in one 60 dollar buy in. Otherwise I am basically fully supportive of my moves. There are few questions… Should I have pushed all in with my TT in the qualifier? Maybe, but I don’t think the big stack was going to fold and he crushed me on the flop- would the turn-river save me? I doubt it. Should I have gone into a 3 way all-in with the king high flush draw and one street to go? The math says no- I chose not to- the card came and it would have given me chips to coast to the final table… instead I ran totally dry and never got another opportunity. Otherwise I have almost no questions about my play choices.

My fear of falling is too great to jump out my hotel window, but I really feel like I am playing in a world that has been rigged to make me fail. That sounds so silly and childish, but I can’t get past it.

In the 180 seat… the guy to my right goes all in three hands in a row- then limps into my BB when I’ve got K3suited. I hit the 3 and a flush draw and he goes all in- fuck that- I call him. He played 45 and flopped a straight. I wait two hands with my remaining 140 chips and push with QT and go out to K7.

Before I left Truth to head back to the hotel he said “that bad?” as if maybe it was all really okay and I should hang out and fuck up his craps some more. Can he seriously still not “get” that A) when we play craps and he wins I feel like a loser tag-a-long who can’t take care of his own shit and B) when we play craps and he loses I feel like the cause? And if you stack on that that YES it is that bad… How does the experience I’ve had here fit into anything like an acceptable world view? I think because he can’t help he sometimes turns a blind eye to the shit I talk to him about. I suppose this is totally fine- he can’t help so why should he invest in the suffering?- but it still always comes as a shock to me when he is so out of touch with where I am at emotionally.

I might order room service.

You know, I’ve signed on to the belief system of “I’d rather play well and lose than play poorly and win” because I read where the literature said that you will win more over time this way. I cannot believe that the people who wrote said literature could conceive of the failure rate I experience. I think this is Truth and Sheriff’s problem as well. Whenever I push them with details- they fall back to irrelevant meta arguments. Its like shopping for a couch with Cute Helpful One.

SOMETIMES LIFE DOESN’T FIT INTO YOUR NEAT LITTLE FUCKING MENTAL BOXES.

The worst part of all of this- is I don’t know where to spend the anger. And there is a lot of anger. A writhing pit of black hate and rage in my gut… I just feel so fucking helpless.

The odds of being reseated from the button to the big blind are about 100 to 1. There is a 1 in 10 chance of you being on the button when they break your table, there is a 1 in 10 chance of you landing on the big blind at the new table. So, to get seated from the button to the big blind twice- you should need to be reseated 200 times. .5% chance of it. I was reseated about 6 times and it happened twice. So, 33% of the time. 66 TIMES as often as it should have been.

Races aren’t typically 50/50. We call pretty much anything closer than 60/40 a race. Over time you probably spend about equal times on either side of the difference- so we lump them all together. Unless you are looking at my 17 of 20 streak- in which case I was on the GOOD side about 80% of the time. So, with each consecutive race the likelihood of getting the same result diminishes by 50%. Yes, it is also true that each even is itself 50/50, but anyone who says “its just math” is going to need to life an eyebrow when you see streaks of a given result- why? Because it is UNLIKELY! Not “can’t happen” but “happens seldom” And the longer the streak- the less often it happens. So, I am at LEAST 12 straight lost races.

Race 1 – 50/50
Race 2 – 75/25
Race 3 – 87.5/12.5
Race 4 – 93.75/6.25
Race 5 –

NOTE: out of the 360. Trip queens goes down to queens full (no pair on the board).

Fuck my life.

Where was I?

Oh yes.

Race 5 – I am just going to round. 96/4
Race 6 – 98/2
Race 7 – 99/1
Race 8 – 99.5/.5
Race 9 – 99.75/.25
Race 10 – 99.875/.125

And then two more.

Well, I had both this weekend. Lets not even talk about the percentage of pair or premium hands that I did not have.

So, lets recap the whole thing:

Bad things:

Losing a retardedly long string of races
Getting reseated from the button to the big blind twice
Tourney director telling me it was okay to go to the bathroom then starting the game without me
Several long streaks of card dead
Chopping a big pot two ways- twice
Chopping a big pot three ways- once
7 room keys get demagnetized in my pocket

Good things:

I flopped 2 pair and turned a full house once.
I turned 20 into 30 at roulette

I cannot think of another thing that was remotely “good” re: poker on the trip.

Okay, buying into a 5.50 and planning on playing for truth, but my heart rate is doing this thing where it drops really low and I feel like I might faint. I wonder if it is possible to be depressed to death?

First hand I am on the button with A3 off. Five limpers. I raise 6x. They ALL CALL.

Second hand, I raise, hit middle pair, and go all in- I get called by top pair- and I suck out.

Clearly I am not playing this for truth. I am playing this like the angry disappointed fate’s shitbox that I am.

I raise again from late with K9. I get a caller, flop is 229. I go all in- he folds.

This hotel does not offer room service. “they stopped room service back in June”

Oh, of course.

Standard raise with KK from late- all the limpers fold.

Standard raise the next hand with AK suited- three callers. I miss the flop, one guy bets 1/5 the pot- the other guy calls- so I call and we check to the river. I lose.

I just did a quick check- Truth put 495 into my poker this weekend. I will pay him back when we get home.

I get to see two flops for the price of the blind with AXsuited- both miss completely.

I call a small stack all in with AJsuited. He has JToff. I lose.

I go all in with 99 the next hand. NOTE: This is EXACTLY how I went out the morning of the tourney I said I played poorly. I paid off a small stack losing a race- then all in with 99. Oh wait, AJsuited vs. JToff isn’t a race! I was 70% to win.

I am able to limp into a pot with JTsuited. Flop comes 8KK none of my suit. In fear I guess it gets checked to the river. With an A and another 8. None of my suit.

I knockout a smallstack when I put A9 against his 33. The marathon ends.

Although, lets not forget the three hands where I was ahead that I lost in a row at home game night before we left. Did I write about that?

It doesn’t matter. I hate my life.

I limp in the SB with Q?suited and flop an open ended straight flush draw. I lose with Queen high.

I limp into several pots (successfully) with suited connectors- none connect and all prompt all-ins.

I have AJsuited in the SB. IT folds to me, I raise 3x. Big stack calls. Flop is 587 of another suit. He bets, against my better judgement I call- turn is another 5. I fold when he bets again.

Thanks God! Also, fuck you too!

I guess I should have gone all in? That cut my stack in half. I made the call because making that 3x call he probably didn’t have low cards- maybe? He probably bet with a single diamond. I still had monster over cards. Dunno, I feel that IN GENERAL I give up on two overs too often. Clearly I was wrong to pursue it here- but I still think I am too quick to lay them down.

I am in all in till you win time. The guy to my left is the big stack. I know he will call ANYTHING I do. I wait for A9. He calls with AJ. I am saved by the board pairing twice.

The next hand is my BB. I have 72. SB calls. I hit the 7 and go all in. He calls with J7. I turn a deuce. Its like when a kid plays with ants with a magnifying glass.

Note: I am sobbing on and off for the last hour.

I think about killing myself more and more. What happens is I start to psych myself up that there is a way that meets my various “I just want out” criteria. And then I think of how sad and hurt and disappointed my loved ones will be. The trouble is I *know* that that short term hurt will be less than what they are clearly in for otherwise.

I go all-in with AQ and get the blinds.

I go all-in with 44 and get called by AJoff. I hit a set on the flop for a knock out.

I limp with JT and the flop has two queens. I give it up.

Today on my way home from bullshit fucked up tourney number one there was an old couple that was lostish . They were trying to figure out if they should stay on the

I bet heavy in late position with TT and small stack calls. Flop comes AJ8. He makes a min bet for like half his remaining chips- of course I put him all in- he has AJ. Because of my big preflop bet I am now the short stack again.

Old couple- lost on the shuttle. They are trying to find out if they should get off and walk the other way. The shuttle driver is not helping. I know that we are near the end of the line and that the shuttle will be pointed the way they need to go in about 2 minutes. The fucking driver is about to let them get off when I intervene. I explain the route and they gratefully sit back down. I assure them it will be okay and get off. Some lady comes up to me in the parking lot of our hotel to tell me what a nice thing it was and how they had been trying to get help even before I got on. I almost cried.

When this tourney is over I will not play another. I will pack up my stuff and read a book quietly and hope I make it through the night without hurting myself or someone elseor something else.

AA when my blind is about 1.5- it holds up.

Still a desperate short stack.

And all-in vs. the big stack with 55 (how many tourneys can I end with this hand?) vs. his KTsuited. He four flushes to himself.

Done.

Maybe more than poker.

HPT day 3

Ninja.

Today was weird. Despite something akin to a full night’s sleep I was very tired when we got up. Truth wanted to see if he could buy back into the main event for the HPT and the backup plan was a noon tourney at the Gilpin. We had to get up early enough to check the HPT thing, get breakfast, and get to the Gilpin. The alarm was set for 9:30 or something I think… There was a bridal party getting ready in the room next door so I was pretty much awake from 7 on…

Anyway, we got up, hit the HPT and were told no. Fuck them and their shitty run events anyway. Also fuck the hot hostess Katie O’keefe. Please? I would really like to…

From there we headed up towards the Gilpin and had breakfast at a place with a mafia enforcer for a waiter- he did a fine job and Truth tipped him about 25%.

We arrived at the Gilpin and got checked in. I was seated and feeling okay at first. My focus was really off though- I blame the fatigue. Mind wandering, checking out chicks, etc… Something called the Mountain Games was on the TV and it featured a lot of hot women rock climbing and mountain biking- I basically had to look at the table to avoid looking at the TV.

Then I saw a guy who was at the final table when I got FUCKED the night before. That was all the bad stimuli I needed. I proceeded to donk off half my chips calling a guy to the river with second pair. Then lose 75% of what was left chasing a flush draw- although, in that case- I had the math. I just wish I would have pushed. Oh well.

I went back to the hotel and went to sleep.

Sheriff had his flight B day one and was busted when his AA was cracked.

Truth went on to chop the noon tourney at the Gilpin.

My son sent me an awesome text message saying I was a good father. It makes me cry to think about it. I spend a lot of time feeling inadequate.

Truth called when he was done and we coordinated for a dinner meet up. We ate at this place with decent food that is almost free AND that takes the player’s club cards from the place the HPT stuff happened.

Then it was back to the Gilpin. I had worked hard to master my anger. I felt pretty good- mostly. Seeing the tourney director who did it hurt pretty good though.

I started off reasonably well. Had some cards, took some pots, doubled up a small stack when he drew a four straight- hit AA to bust him a few hands later. Lost a lot of chips to a big bluff- it was okay- my hand didn’t connect to the flop either and it was AWESOME that the guy was so fucking pleased with himself and showed the bluff. I love when people tell you about their game on accident.

Then, about this time, I go card dead until our table breaks. First hand at the new table I get AQ on the button. No action, I raise 3x, SB folds, BB (also the big stack), stares at me for a while- and pushes all in. Shit. Not something I want to deal with. I am pretty confident he is just being a bully- but he can pay me off without thinking twice and its my tournament. I make the call. He turns over AQ. We chop the pot.

A minute later I steal the blinds with KJoff.

Then, I go about 90 minutes without a playable hand.

I did fold K9suited with an all-in in front of me. I did fold 55 (my second pair) to a big raise and the guy showed his JJ after. I did fold K8suited from under the gun. Other than this I had nothing- Nothing- NOTHING. No ace rag, no suited connectors, no two cards larger than 8 at the same time… Nothing. I get walked once.

I fold my way to the final table.

I go two blind rounds without two cards that add up to more than 10. Finally, I am down to about 1.5 blinds- and I draw 55 on the button. It folds around to me and I go all in. SB folds, BB calls with QT, and I am out.

I do a lot of bitching. I think my circumstances warrant it. However, I try very hard not to be the “only sees the bad” guy. This is why I’ve been doing this writing, its why I track stuff in xls. I spend a lot of time on introspection. I am willing to work and change things and I want a better life- I am not just making noise.

So, with all that said, when I say things like “I only had 2 pairs” its pretty likely to be accurate. Sometimes I forget *A* hand- but even if I sometimes miss a minor element- the flavor of the story is valid.

I say this because I realized something that I can’t claim with my usual sense of certainty- but that I think might very well be true… I do not think I’ve won a race in Blackhawk. Eight or nine or however many tourneys I’ve played- and I do not think I’ve won a race.

Shrug.

I was pretty fucking frustrated about going out tonight.

Truth went on to make it to the chop and then busted out the next hand (roughly).

I managed to salvage my will to live enough to go play craps with Truth for a bit. We generally lost money and it made me feel bad. My head started to hurt, I was feeling tired, wanting to be ready for tomorrow, and I wanted to try to get a cash in on Full Tilt… However, the casino bug was also biting me. I went and bought into a roulette table for 20 bucks, turned it into 30, and then came home.

On the bubble bubble in my full tilt SNG. Hope to make it through then get sleep.

Actual bubble now.

Out on the bubble. I pushed too hard- they were playing gay and I thought I could shake something loose- but that requires some bit of luck- which means winning races which means- you guessed it! IGHN!

I should not have joined another one- I am tired. Shit.

Had a nice lead until AA ran into queen motherfucking ten who called a raise and a reraise preflop- then called a raise and a reraise post flop- to hit his straight.

No dice- out on the bubble again- same reason- tried to force it- big stacks super pokey- small stack just sucking life out of them with all-ins…

Anyway- I was nodding off and I am on a poker trip so I am exempt from cashing rule.

HPT day 2

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