live games suck

Ninja.

Okay, live poker night at the house again. I am looking to continue my 100% cash rate…

Meanwhile I am sneaking in a single table before it starts. So far, no love on the hands. A couple of hands worth seeing flops- but no connections.

5.5 SNG 9

I felt so awesome when I drew JJ two hands in a row. Except the second time somebody had AA.

5.5 SNG 9

Queens and Tens run into Aces and Jacks

Homegame.

I took a cashing based conservative approach. At least philosophically. I never had cards for it to matter. If I were a loose player I could have played the first two hands- A3 and JToff both in early. Both times I would have flopped a set and lost to aces full. I folded an 8T in late later on with a lot of action in front of me. I would have hit eights full of nines- the pot was won without showdown by Sheriff but he says he had kings full of nines. Shrug. I bet 88 in the small blind later and was called by the big blind. The flop came undershit and I bet about ¾ the pot. He called. Turn came a queen and we checked it down. He had called both bets with queen dick for the suckout win. Then, my last hand, in late position I called a small raise with A9suited. Flop came J96 not my suit and he bets 4k into the pot. I felt he was just raising because he had chips and I’d been inactive. I reraised all in- sadly for only 2k over what he put in. He turned over 55. And turned his 5.

I can barely contain myself.

5+5 SNG 9

Second. I played it really well. Came back from a massive chip disadvantage in heads up to be ALMOST even but then went all in 77 vs AQsuited and did not connect.

5+5 SNG 9

Second. Ak suited vs. 55

Gimme Cards or Gimme Death

Ninja.

HPT trip is coming up. So far I’ve made good on my commitment to cash every day. I think, and tell me if this is pussing out, that I will count any traveling poker trip as free days. I don’t want to impede on opportunities to play at The Big Show with the need to bounce onto Full Tilt for a SNG.

5+5 SNG 9

Lost some money first hand. Paired board- open ended straight. Wanted to see the rest of the cards as cheaply as possible so tried to check through- I paid off a small bet with one street to go but, alas, no straight.

Playing poorly. Horrid mental state. Nothing else to do but suffer. This could be expensive.

5+5 SNG 9

9th- open ended and middle pair hit the made straight

I am playing like shit. This cannot stand.

5+5 SNG 9

2nd place

Hhmmm

I do not track my bank between every game but I feel as though I am 8 bucks light. At first I thought my last finish didn’t record- but it’s had plenty of time now…

For it to be correct right now I would need to have been down to 85 bucks… Did I zone out and lose a whole game that I never recorded???

5+5 SNG 9

Man, the bankroll issue is really bugging me. I can’t shake it.

Also, I am curious as to how Sklansky made his hand rankings. I’ve been doing some hand vs. hand matchups and getting hands with lower ranks beating hands with higher ranks. Maybe he has matched every hand against EVERY OTHER hand and sometimes a hand beats MORE hands but loses to a particular hand? Sort of a ro-sham-bo thing?

I hate when things don’t work out. I mean, I expect it and you build the hands that don’t pan out into your EV concept… But I hate when several decent hands turn into “give them up” hands and suddenly your stack is at half and you’ve got no more options. I am not chasing drawing hands- but lots of runner runner flushes or paired boards or only overcards coming… that sort of thing.

I can be gracious… and I can be other stuff. The following from the chat window:

“There was no way for me to not call that. Perfect size bet. Good job. Of course the preflop call was ridiculous you fucking retard.”

Assclown called about 6x raise preflop with A7off. He won because he four straighted broadway.

Why did I have to call? I started with pocket nines and I straighted to the king (obviously). It would be very easy for him to have two pair or something.

And I am out in 5th again. AK vs. JJ.

The guy who took me out is sort of interesting. I’ve been pretty active taking notes on players for a while now. They are almost ALWAYS notes about bad play- when I catch people pushing with retarded shit… that sort of thing. This guy I’ve got notes from multiple sessions of him just catching retarded fucking cards. In the game I just played- for example- I saw no big pairs… not sure if I even saw any small pairs. He showed down multiple premium pairs AND multiple sets. I don’t think I even had top pair ever.

Fuck man. I am slipping into why do I bother mode.

5.5 SNG 9

I shouldn’t play again- but we all know I am going to. I am not getting outplayed. I am sooo digging into what goes on to see what I can improve on. My play isn’t perfect- I’ve made some mistakes. But I’ve “earned” better than I’ve got today.

BUT I DID PLAY LIKE SHIT SOME.

Consistency is certainly something I need to work on. If you took the games I played poorly and removed them… I would be at a 100% got fucked ratio. But, had I played those strongly I might be looking at 50/50 with half wins and half fuckings.

Although, it’s hard to take comfort in that. Getting fucked still hurts in the ass.

I just fucked up. I made a move from the button and was reraised all in by the BB. I folded because I had KJoff- then I remembered the note I have on him basically says he pushes all in with jack shit regularly. I should have called.

Out again- to another suckout. I this cannot exist within a pure statistical environment. There is no way. I had him dominated and he hits his second pair on the turn after we are all in. What the fuck. Twice in one game too?

5.5 SNG 9

I just made a move and got reraised pretty hard- I let it go (KToff). But it made me realize I am on like my 9th game… 6+ hours of ONLINE play and I haven’t seen AA, KK, or QQ.

7th.

I watched KK get cracked. The next hand I’ve got AJoff in the SB. A min raise from early, a caller from late- and with my roughly 5x more than that in chips I go all in. Original raiser goes all in. Other guy also goes all in. Uh oh. I hit a Jack on the flop- but king guy hit a king for a set and cracked us both.

Go me!

5.5 SNG 9

First hand I lose two thirds of my stack to a guy who has me out pipped. Awesome.

I recover and run strong until I run KK into AA. What the fuck man.

Okay, there was some “justice”. I was knocked to an M of 1. 431 chips, blinds at 150/300 and guy on my left knocks out player 5 making us four handed- then raises the guy who cracked me’s big blind- and that guy goes all-in and busted. Two deals before I get blinded out!

So, a sneaky third.

5.5 SNG 9

I’ve been focusing a lot on the pain of the suckouts that make me lose. I was realizing just now that the suckouts that keep me from winning are really hurting my bottom line too! Twice today I got fucked in heads up- runner runner full house my ass you fucking cheater! But that’s 20 dollars in money NOT in my bank now. I’d be up a little instead of painfully down if not for that!

Ouch… crippled.

Min raiser from mid
SB calls
I call one BB worth in the BB with 53off- why? 5-to-1 odds is why
Flop comes 59K
Everyone checks
Turn is a 3
SB bets
I reraise quite a bit
He goes all in
Slow playing your top pair is about to get you spanked fucker! ALL IN!
He turns over 55.
A three did not save me.

Let’s see if I can recover… not likely. But let’s see.

I recovered to half stack… twice… two people are out who are not me- including the luckbox fuck who had that set.

Better than starting stack

And I am out. I can’t feel too bad. Check out this fucking hand.

QTsuited in late
3x raise
Button reraises 2x more
I call
Flop has 2KA with 2 of my suit including the ace
I check hoping for a free card but I am ready to go to the mat
He raises about half the pot
I reraise him all in
He calls and turns over AA
The turn is the K of my suit- giving me the nut flush and him the full house.

5.5 SNG 9

Let me be more clear. I can’t feel too bad ABOUT MY PLAY, but I can feel too bad that there is clearly a higher power at work here with the goal of crushing my soul. I decided that I was hungry enough to eat even though I hope to be in bed in about an hour. Between here and the fridge and back I suffered three separate bouts of such intense sadness that I sobbed.

Certainly the fucked up sleeping and exhaustion play a part. But does it matter if there is a physiological element when God is actively trying to demoralize you? I mean, and this is without even talking about the conversations with my son or best friends.

Fuck my life.

Its not “just bad luck” when it happens all the time.

5.5 SNG 9

It is happening again. I can feel it. The hate and rage and jealousy and bitterness and sadness are coming back. It’s like when you see the fog pouring over the mountain. I don’t know what to do. How do you play 8+ hours in a day and see enough people with AA to get knocked the fuck out TWICE by them- and never have them dealt to you? Oh hey, that works for full houses too. Oh! And I’ve had one flush- the nut flush- that ran into AA and a full house- at the same time.

While writing that- I saw another person with AA.

I just ran into AA again. And check this- I flopped the second nut flush- he had the fucking ACE with his AA. But did not catch it.

Chopped first after I busted luckbox.

I ran into AA three times- which is to say- was all-in in a hand where the other guy had AA. I can’t even begin to guess how many I saw or were at my tables. I never saw one. I had two flushes- BOTH in hands where the other guy had AA. One win, one loss. No boats. Don’t think I had any sets.

Runner Runner Hate

Ninja.

5.5 SNG 9

I didn’t write about it much while it was happening, but I rocked some Gus Hansen aggression last night- the only difference was I had cards for almost all of it. I raised every hand for multiple blind rounds in a row. Eventually the big blind pushed back all in and while my PLAN had been to let it go, but he pushed back when I had AQ. Sadly, he had AK and was the second biggest stack. I paid him off. I just kept pushing though and rebuilt my stack. I went on to take second.

Well, the same thing has been happening this game. Lots of stealing, restealing- all backed by cards. A guy pushed back on a steal attempt when I was holding AT. I decided to put him all in- again, I was pipped- he had AJ… and I paid him off.

Clearly there is something I need to fix here, but I’ve had such strong hands… Sigh.

And I am out sixth. I took a couple of hard hits and was trying hard to get back to a stack that had some weight. I had two victories stolen by people making calls then chopping pots with me. Then, with T3 in the BB and multiple limpers the board came 88T and I pushed all in. I got called by AT. Game over.

5.5 SNG 9

The problem… or rather, a problem, is that the pushing and raising and scooping is addictive. So it is hard to stop- especially when you have a big stack and halfway decent cards. I will need to watch this tendency.

Cock knocker limped with aces. Done.

5.5 SNG 9

Ran my top pair top kicker (AQ) into pocket QQ.

5.5 SNG 9

All in with an over pair, called by top pair top kicker (carefully orchestrated play by me) and he turned a set. Motherfucker.

So much for 80%

5.5 SNG 9

Allow me to describe to you the final hand of heads-up.

Me: AQ in the BB
He min raises
I reraise 6x
He calls
Board comes 6TQ
I go all in
He calls
And turns over Q8
Turn is an 8
River is an 8.

Done.

Too Tired To Title

Ninja.

Because I am still a losing player over time I track my ROI on a per buy-in level. This is fallacious logic, but it lets me get some sense of victory out of my poker education. And, if I am ever up for long enough for it to matter I will start looking at any progress I make on my lifetime deficit.

That said, I am up for this buy-in and playing a large field 2.25 tourney. Last time I think I set myself up for failure by buying into games way outside of any reasonable bankroll management scheme. I justified this because I was winning a fair bit at the time and had more money in my bank than I was used to. I really like the large fields and think they are important to my growth as a player, but I need to play the lower buy-ins. There is simply no excuse. “Truth is doing it” doesn’t cut the mustard.

Okay, late reg is over.

2.25 tourney 610, 532 left after late reg, I am in 325 with playing no hands and paying one blind. Chip leaders are up 5x.

I’ve also got the lobby up for the daily dollar, but it doesn’t start for two hours almost.

Everybody is trying to play every hand. I haven’t seen a pot that wasn’t raised yet. So I folded 44 in early rather than trying to limp or min raise. Although, they let it limp- first hand I’ve seen it. Its okay, I totally missed the board and it paired- yeah, K5off in the BB would have taken it.

A9suited in the BB, could be the first hand I put voluntary money into the pot. Field is down to 377. Chip leads at almost 15x. I called a min raise and was given a wrong color board with two broadway cards. Turn completed a flush. I was 4 to a straight if I hit a T. But he bet and I gave it up. Easy choices.

AJsuited on the button
6x raise from early
All in from mid (this guy had KK cracked last hand- probably tilting but still)
Folding

290 of 360 with an M of 20. (a bit over really but slightly less if I try the wannabe method of using the next level)

So, some comments on that actually! I shy away from volatility. I want to win, cash, do well, feel good about my choices. I am not here to gamble. But, we know that “all things being equal” aggression is a lot more powerful. Furthermore, I am a MONSTER when my M gets low and/or the blinds get huge at the final stages of an SNG. At those times I need to let it out and really try to exploit position/opportunity- cards become secondary. I am hoping this modified M thinking will let me tap into more of that sooner… Even though I am strategically against the voluntary acceptance of volatility.

I hope to counter-act this hesitancy with some data tracking and analysis. I’ve been talking to Truth about what info we can get and how we can frame it. He has been a pain- but is also trying to get me what I want. I am hoping that I can take the results of when I make these moves to create some sort of EV that will “sell me” on it as the right choice in a larger context.

After the first break the field is less than 50% of the start with 304 left. I’ve put voluntary money into one hand- calling a min raise from the BB. I am in position 253 and my M is now 15.

I want to say that the volatility is lessening and I can now look for cards to make some moves- but it’s the SAME HAND and we are down 15 more players. 5% of the field. In less than a hand.

3x with K9 off from the cutoff- scoop

KK in mid the next hand
One limper
I 3x
Caller
Caller
Caller
Flop is under cards and two flush cards- I’ve got the K of that suit
I pot raise,
One caller
Turn is a blank
I go all in
He calls
With AA and its over

282 of 610. KK to AA. Note: he had the same suits as me too so a four flush would not have helped.

I put money into three hands. A9 suited in the BB, called a min raise from the button then gave it up when I missed. K9off from late mid, scooped the blinds. KK from the hijack, lost all my chips to AA.

What a disappointment! I am totally accepting of my play- but sad that karma couldn’t give me a little more support.

5.5 SNG 9seat

These games take from 50 minutes to an hour and fifteen tops. The daily dollar starts in 57 minutes so I am going to do one first.

I lose money on two small pairs from early mid then early. Raises get called, missed boards, c-bets get called, missed turns… bleh.

ATsuited in the SB, one limper, pot raise, BB and limper call, missed board- done.

1/3 my stack now gone.

And, I’ve not put money into 7 hands today. 3 with pairs- including kings. I’ve stolen the blinds once and either lost or folded the rest.

Blah blah blah- I go out to my top pair against top pair with a shittier kicker that happened to also be a pair.

There is no one to blame but myself here. It was a break in discipline. I was influenced by somebody watching saying “I don’t think he has it!” but that is no excuse. I had no player data to indicate he was bluffing or lying. My kicker was shitty- even if he didn’t have more than top pair he probably still had me beat. I was not pot committed and he INVITED me to go all in with his raise. Why would I all that? Answer: For no good reason. Folding is never a big mistake- making a bad call for my tournament life is a big mistake. I should be flogged.

Daily Dollar

I missed the first hand- 55 in hijack. It’s a good thing too because I flopped a set and AK went all in with just his overs- to get cracked by quad Queens.

Man, I am still just fuming about my day so far. My tourney was brutal- I did nothing wrong and had a “that’s poker” ending. But when you get no options and then a monster hand that gets smashed by THE ONLY POSSIBLE better hand… It is demoralizing. Then *I* gave up the other game. Period- I fucked it up. I think that when I make mistakes AFTER getting fucked by karma it’s the hardest to take. Because the only protection my soul has after I get hid with misfortune is to say “well at least I am playing correctly” but I lost that when discipline cracks.

I was just reading some more of Gus’s book and I grow more aggravated with it by the moment. He tried to make a big point out of how he “dramatically changed” his playstyle from day one to day two. Based on the hands shown in the book I would not only DISAGREE that it was a dramatic change, but would suggest it was a mild change in the opposite direction of what he meant. He is trying to say he upped his aggression and broadened his hand selection. What the hands revealed indicate is he got a lot more big hands. I don’t know man. Some of the strategy he talks about is fine and makes sense. But when he is moving into hands from early position with 53 of and then pushing to win the pot… I just don’t feel good about it. I spend what feels like a TON of time with shitty hands… That said, it seems to me that somebody ought to have decent hands most of the time. Out of 9 people it is statistically improbably that everyone has shit. Gus’ strategy seems to demand that everyone else have nothing.

I am out of the daily dollar before late reg finished. I put a guy all in with the better hand after the flop and he rivered his one outer.

Let me repeat:

He rivered his one outer.

Fuck Gus Hansen.

5.5 SNG 9 seat

Hey guess what? A third of my stack is gone on the first hand! How? A guy called a MONSTER FUCKING RAISE when I had him beat and then sucked out with a one outer on the river. NOTE: IT WAS THE SAME FUCKING CARD AS LAST TIME.

Okay, I am officially on tilt. I called in poor position with AT then missed the flop and called a bet there too. 1/3 starting stack.

Man, suffering from real, bad “why do I do anything” syndrome. I fucked up that hand and it cost me 500 chips. I fucked up my first SNG. But both times it was right after getting fucking sucked out on.

Oh, and I am out now BTW. With my pittance of a chip stack I pushed late with AQ. Only to get called by KK. Here is the awesome part. I turned the straight and he rivered the full house.

I took a nap to manage my hate.

The Big Dumb Loud One woke me. The Cute Helpful One was cooking so I smelled food. I got up but am still ready to stab motherfuckers. Probably not the best mental state but I haven’t cashed yet today so… off to the races.

5.5 SNG 9seat

I double up early because the other player was an idiot and did not get lucky. When I get to this place emotionally I, sadly, take no joy from these moments.

I hit the T on a T77 board and one of the other three guys in the pot bets it. I don’t think he has a 7, I’ve certainly got the best T. So I call. Other guy calls too. We repeat on ever street. Guy 3 turns over nothing- no clue what he was doing. Original better turns over 99. He had a pair under mine. Until the river. Again. The river.

Folded A5suited UTG… It was hard.

Hey guess what??? Another hand (next one I play!) lost to a guy who made shitty calls, stuck till the river, and hit the card he needed.

IT’S A FUCKING EPIDEMIC!

Bubble time.

Me: 2900
2500
4900
2500

Blinds are 80/160

First.

5.5 SNG 27 seat

I need to start playing/winning more MTT SNGs.

I am up 20% for this buy-in and this game is within my bankroll range… so here goes.

First hand I lose money. This happens two ways for me… One is the suckout, the other is the “paired flop”. This was not the suckout. I let the SB limp into my BB- board came 33A. He checked, I bet, he called, we check it down, he bet the river, I called… he turns over 73. I should have just timed out and got a snack.

Early position min raise with 33
Caller
Missed board (overcards- two broadway)
c-bet (half pot)
caller
more missed board (now the ace)
check the turn
and fold to his bet

I am made of lose.

3x raise with K9off
Two callers
Paired board that I missed
Everyone checks
I hit my kicker
I check
One guy makes a min bet, other guy folds
I call the min bet
We check through the river- his pure bluff is revealed

16 of 19 but we are only in like level 2. My M is still about 20, or 15 by Wannabe. Not enough to change my play much… but we are six handed. So that is a factor.

15 of 18 and a fresh table

15 of 17- lucky rivering fuck took out risk taking all-in guy.

One guy with AKoff just four flushed on another guy with AKoff to put me 14 of 16

Limped into a party pot with 89suited but missed completely

13 of 14 and 7 handed… M is 11 or like 9…

14 of 14. Same M minus 1

I haven’t seen a pair or two cards that add up to more than 10 in a blind round.

13 of 13

3x with A5off
Call
Call
Call
I hit my ace
All in
Call (uh oh)
All in over him

Everyone folds to the other all in- he had AK.

5+5 MTT 27

Nice, but undeserved chip-up, in the second hand.

AKsuited mid early- one limper
I pot raise (3.5x ish)
Guy two behind me goes all in
I call
He turns over AQoff
I hit a K.

The 1 of 25 looks nice though.

I limp in the BB with KQ and flop broadway
I check
He bets small
I think and call
Turn puts some flush danger
He bets small again
I decide I don’t want to risk that flush completing for free so I reraise small
He folds – bummer

1 of 21 after cracking a guy who was praying for a four flush

I pay off a small stack who pushed all in with top pair decent kicker when I had top pair shitty kicker. Truth and I debate this. I had a 5x chiplead- for when you, the reader, decide to weigh in.

AToff UTG, folded- it was hard

I’m out, huge pot, top pair top kicker- ran into the guy that quietly called along and hit a set with his JJ.

5+5 MTT 45

Will give one more MTT a shot then rock some more SNG. If I lose this I am still up 5%. Maybe I should increase my threshold with each round? That way I am building my bank with the single tables while still getting in some MTT action?

A little distracted going into it because The Big Loud Dumb One has on a movie… The problem is it’s a movie that *I* rented on demand so I am interested. Dang it!

I probably misplayed that hand…

AJ off in the SB
Several limpers
Pot sized raise
One guy comes along
Flop comes down Kblank blank
I make a half pot c-bet
He calls
Turn is another blank
I check
He bets half his stack
I fold

I guess I could have kept pushing- but only the ace would help me. His play was pretty suspicious with the limp, big call, push… But a small pair, a shitty ace that hit… whatever…

AQ early, pot raise
SB calls
I miss, we check to the river
He makes a tiny bet, I call
He hit bottom pair on the turn

I should have pushed- he called with fucking 49.

31 of 34 now. M is less than 10.

KK in the SB, remember last time
Limper
6x raise
I go all in
He calls with AJ
Guess what card comes in the flop?

NEXT!

5.5 SNG 9seat

Second place. I finally had a KK hold up- but got my AA cracked. Then, when it was heads up, the bastard just had insane cards and I ran mediocre. He dropped AA like 3 times.

5+5 MTT 27

You know, the 27 seat games fill a lot faster (and therefore happen a lot more often) than the 45 seat… but the pay structure is whack. It pays 2 places more than a 9 seat, but is 3x as big… and first only pays 2x. Sort of an argument for playing to cash instead of winning.

KK held up again- thank god I was up against QQ instead of anything with a J.

3 of 25

And 20 of 24… cracked pocket pair… not my best play but one of those things where somebody does something fucking retarded preflop so you just can’t be scared of it post flop…

I begin to furiously taunt the offending player.

My AT gets smashed by AQ in a battle of small stacks.

I am not even going to look- but I am sure I am in last now.

Just need a couple of double ups… sigh.

I get them.

I put a small stack all in with TT but he flips over AA.

Final table- I double up TT vs. KT from the big stack.

Down to 8 and healthy chips.

Min raised from mid with JTsuited, got a caller from the bigstack guy- flop was blank ten, queen, I bet half the pot and he puts me all in- I fold… dang it!

Did my patented raise post break move… scoop

Blinds are really big compared to average stack and people are all-in crazy

Knowing this- when I push with AJ and get an all-in back… I call. QQ, I did not win.

And I go out. I managed to have the chance to 5x up but sadly the board did not cooperate.

Okay, so part of me is pissed that once again I do not crack a big pair when mine are fucking cracked non fucking stop.

That said- there is no excuse for me making that call. Even with a short handed monster like AJ- we were basically bubbled and I was not in danger. If the scoop failed- I should have just waited. Bad meta Ninja, bad.

Okay, so here is my new bankroll plan.

I will play the 9seat SNGs as my bread and butter. I can only play MTTs when I am buying in with money 20+ beyond my threshold. I will increase my threshold every time I am down to it. So, right now my threshold is 110. I’ve got 108. I need to play 9seats until I get to 130. Then I can play whatever until I get down to 110. Then I add 5 to my threshold- and need to play 9seats until I get to 135.

5.5 SNG 9

Boring awful fucking game. EVERY set of good cards that hit the flop turned into a chop. All my middle pairs got reraised or called and then flopped boards of over pairs. I managed to double up twice with medium holdings against people with big stacks- but mostly I just wasted away helpless and unable to create any opportunit.es

Went out 5th.

This puts me technically down too.

WTF.

I felt I was too tired to play that round- and like a retard I immedietly signed up for another.

Fuck me.

Folded an entire blind round with at least one card 4 or less.

I am a fucking idiot.

I hit top pair, bet it, got called, turn put two flush cards, but also gave me a set, I bet it, he called, river completed the flush, I bet it- he called with the flush.

1/3 of my stack gone.

Don’t play angry Ninja.

You know what? I was letting myself wind down so I could try to crash. Fuck it, I am going to hit some caffeine and stay up. I slept little over the weekend and I can catch up tomorrow.

This game is not going well- but I am chalking it up to the being wound down. If I can’t pull it off I won’t beat myself- too badly.

Lost my connection- looks like I paid about 3 blinds before I got back.

And its off again.

Dude, seriously, this fucking happens 2 minutes after I decide to open a fucking soda?

With an M of about 5 and an uncertain connection I push all in with A9 and get two callers to triple up.

Man, I am totally agitated now. How do you make strategic decisions if you can lose your connection at any second???

I put a small stack all in with AT vs his QJ. Flop has an ace and a jack- he rivers another jack.

FUCK YOU.

Blinds are high- it’s been a tight table. This is a serious blow.

Man.

Goddamn rivering cocksucker fucks. I *put* him all in with his shitty hand. I was HAPPY he called with his shitty hand. FUCK THAT.

On the bubble bubble but my M is like 4.5

Oh shit, in the money

I crushed two guys in a row and BANG

I didn’t even notice!!!

Crushed- in third- down but not out

Fucking all in thruster guy reraises me over and over- then raises my BB when I’ve got 55 and have him covered- I shove and he flips over KK.

And out third. Goddamn it.

5.5 SNG 9

Left arm asleep again.

99 in the BB
One limper
I pot raise
He calls
Board is Kunder under
I pot raise
He folds

Okay, official record time- I cracked aces- I flopped top pair and put small stack all in- he turned over AA, I runner runnered a full house

Again the fucking sting, I hit two pair, let him lead the betting, turn paired the board and counterfitted my kicker pair- he lead to the river- and had hit the that card for a set

FUCK

Now on the fucking ropes on the bubble.

AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER

I let a guy stay and he hits a shitty two pair on the river… FFFUUUCCCKK

I got it all back from him. Fucker. Undeserving bastard.

Insane. Second. I went into heads-up with a pretty good lead. But it seemed everytime I made a moderate raise with a non-nut hand he went all in. He fucking reraised me all in and I felt I needed to fold from 8k to 5k until it was 2k to 11k. I never felt calling made sense. Finally I pushed all in with the nut flush draw- but he had the made flush and mine didn’t connect.

Grrr… Major let down.

Rise of the Phoenix

Ninja.

I’ve slowed down my play some. I don’t mean my hand-to-hand play, but I am playing a little less. I am trying to really focus on my A-game stuff. So, if I don’t think I can bring it- I am reading instead. So, that is all to the good I am sure, but today I am bummed because it means I missed a lot of chances to play some large field tourneys.

As for the reading:

I am barely interested in finishing Every Hand Revealed. I am 25% of the way through and so far Gus offers very little to recommend his strategy. “Bet shitty hands and get lucky” doesn’t really qualify as strategy. Truth brought home two books of Harrington on Cash Games (title might not be right?) and I am VERY interested based on the RAW POWER of his Hold’em book. That said, I’m not quite motivated to start. I had wanted to reread the Hold’em books- started to do so- and was sort of bored with it… Its make it harder to be excited to actually crack the cover of the cash books. Actually, also true is that I am not in A-game mode when I read (which is why I am reading not playing) so my focus is already handicapped. Hhhhmm…

Anyway, instead of the books I’ve been reading a lot of online stuff. I finished the Wannabe blog and am now digging through the articles on playwinningpoker.com

5.5 SNG 9seat

Small raise from early mid with QJoff.
BB calls
Flop is Q high w/ 2 hearts
He makes a tiny prob
I made a “pot size” reraise (almost 2x the pot)
He thinks and calls
If figure the flush draw
Turn completes the flush
He checks
I check
River is a blank
He bets 330 into a 1500ish pot- this is a small bet but calling and losing will leave me at 1/3 my chips instead of /2/3
I fold my now second pair

QQ in the BB
Some limpers
Pot size raise from me
One caller
I flop a set
I check
He checks
Turn is a 9 and puts 2 flush cards out there
I bet the pot
He calls
River completes the flush- there is also some straight danger (JT)
But I’m pretty committed now
He bets not quite putting me all in
I go all in (no way I can fold and a call is silly)
He calls
And turns over the 999 set to lose to my QQQ

I hit QQ the next hand but my raise only scoops the blinds and a limper

99 in UTG+1
Pot raise (3.5 blinds as it turns out)
Button calls
BB calls
Flop is 257
Half pot bet- scoop

Min raise from early on my BB
A couple callers
I make the blind-ful-call with J5suited
Flop 528 with one of my suit
I check it, everyone checks it
Turn is a 7 of my suit
I make a half pot bet
One folder, small stack calls
The river is the Q of my suit.
So, suited K and A beat me- nothing else.
I want all his chips
So I bet about half of them- its delicious enough for him to feel the need to call, but enough that his best bet is to push- I could IN THEORY (fantasy?) fold my pure bluff if he does…. He does- I don’t. He turns over second pair top kicker.

ATsuited in the SB
It limps around to me
I raise it pot size
Everyone folds but the button
Flop is AJ5 with the 5 of my suit
I make a not quite half pot size bet
He reraises me for half his stack
I put him all in
He calls
And turns over JToff
I hit another ace on the river and its done

AQ HAND- I lose some chips with AQ, don’t connect, I make a check-call-lead move, but sadly he had hit the turn…

A6off in the BB
SB limps
I limp
Board is 54K rainbow
He checks, I check
Turn is a 7- I am now open ended
He bets small, I call
River is an 8, I’ve got my straight
He bets, I reraise, he reraises- we tiptoe up to all in… he has 69 for a better straight.

I actually went through (clearly an inadequate amount) of potential hand analysis here. There is no flush, there is no boat… I figure him for TPTK, overpair, set, two pair… Something- not a bluff the way the reraises went- he was never trying to get me to fold…

69 is the ONLY hand that beat me and it just seemed too random. Sigh.


5.5 SNG 9seat

A guy gets smashed when his AK, TPTK gets cracked by JJJ. A few hands later he goes all in for less than 1/3 starting stack. I look at KJsuited and want to call- but decide he probably has an ace. I fold. Guy to my left goes all in with ATsuited. I would have beat them both but that is okay.

Truth is reading up on some HPT stuff. I snuck off to play a little joke on him. I made a rudimentary trap with a laundry basket, a spatula, and some rope. I propped the basket up in his bathroom with the spatula, snaked the rope around the spatula, and then lead the rope into his closet. Then I put candy under the basket and made a trail of candy to his bedroom door. I laughed myself silly and now await the results of my comic genius.

Tried to sneak in a limp with A2suited but the SB raised all in.

77 in the BB
Wound up chopping with A7 when we straighted

Top pair smacked by AA

AK takes out smallstack AT- go me!

Truth went to bed and I laughed myself to tears. Thank goodness I only had crap hands. Then, a few minutes later, he came out and pelted me with candy.

I make a move with AT, get called, miss the flop and give it up.

I make a move with A8 and scoop the blinds.

I try to limp into a party pot with 66 but a smallstack goes all in and gets a caller ahead of me. Good thing too because small stack’s A beat callers KK (note: he had tried to limp)

Called a raise from “limps with aces” guy only to have the SB go all in, limps with calls- I fold. They turn over JJ and QQ. Where does this guy get his fucking cards?

I try to limp with A5suited, get reraised, then that guy gets raised all in- I fold, callers turn over AT and QQ. AT takes it- glad I was out.

Limps with aces guy has now played aces twice, kings twice, and queens once.

Scary moment. Big stack limps with aces guy 3x from hijack, and I’ve got AK on the button- I shove… He folds. Whew.

He makes a correct call to call a small stack all in with 77- small stack turns over 89, but then flops a straight. Mr. luckbox runner runners a boat.

Oh! In the money!

Small stack went all in and big stack called. They turned over A9 and AT and I so wanted the knock out but small stack hit his 9. Since big stack is a donkey it would have been AWESOME to go the other way. Sigh.

Whew, AA holds up to A7. He freaking tiptoed me all in preflop too. I take over (slightly) the chip lead. (note: this is against limps with aces)

I actually hit AA two hands later to crack the small stack.

A long while later I put luckbox (who now has half my stack) all-in with AT. He turns over JJ (for the full suit of broadway pairs!) but I get my ace.

Whew.

The part I didn’t write about involved me going hyper aggressive from a slight lead to an almost double lead. I think I literally stole 80% of the hands on the way there. Some were solid raises- but mostly I was just in his face because I could tell he was a junior player.

For Rent.

Ninja.

5.5 SNG 9seat

First hand, mid position, 88 no action, pot raise
One caller
Board is KQ5
Half pot bet
Scoop

Raised in the SB with QJ
BB reraised
I called
Paired board
We checked it down
He won with AK

Midfield makes a 3x
Multiple callers
I’ve got AT in late
I call too
Board flops a made flush
It checks around to the turn
I throw a bet out
It clears all but one guy who calls
River makes four flush cards
We check it out
He had QQ not of the flush, its enough to win

Early position move with AQoff
BB reraises me
I call
Flop is another motherfucking made flush
He bets it and I fold

I don’t know what is more painful- no cards ever- or pretty good cards regularly but EVER raise gets called and you never hit a flop.

My stack is now HALF.

Limp with A2suited in late
Hit the 2 and no flush cards
Somebody bets small
I all
We check to the river
He had hit middle pair

I am a little frustrated by some things in my personal life this evening. It’s the sort of meta circumstance that should keep me from the table- but I am supposed to go out this evening and if I do I won’t be able to play until after midnight. I was mistaken as to the date and I thought this would break my “cash every day” commitment. It actually won’t, but that is why I signed in.

That said I don’t think I’ve made any mistakes so far- ha, I just went out- but I was getting ready to write something about being off my game and I shouldn’t be playing and blah blah. This is the emotional/psychological issue I need to get past. Sometimes the cards don’t work out- I connected with bottom pair twice- people connected better. I made moves at unclaimed pots twice- and both times guy with real hands that were scared to get out were willing to come along. And then, my AA gets cracked when I, after my 3x preflop from UTG+1 gets called, go all in on a 972 board and get taken out by 77 guy.

That is unfortunate- but not me playing poorly. Regardless of weather or not I should have been playing.

5.5 SNG 9seat

Well, this looks familiar.

88 in mid first hand
Some limpers, I pot raise
Everyone calls
Board comes JJT
Everyone checks but the last guy, who makes a very small stab
Everyone calls
The board runner runners a 4 flush- oddly my 8 wins it

Folded A8 in late position with an UTG 3x and a caller ahead of me.
Glad I folded, I missed the flop and it escalated all-in

KK in middle late, one limper
I make it pot sized plus a little, but it’s really an over bet given that the pot button makes a larger than pot sized raise. The limper called- thank goodness. The board looks pretty much exactly like the board that took me out last time. He checks, I bet half the pot, he folds.

Okay, NOW I am not playing my best. Funny though, I am running well. For all the 6-to-5 ratio talk in the world- the game sure plays different with some cards.

I am going to abandon writing so I can spend what brain power I do have on the work at hand.

Okay, I need to get it out. I just lost half my stack to fucking 77 hitting a set again. Maybe this IS the last game again?

Okay, so I survive on the ropes FOREVER. From five handed to heads up. The bully stack was to my left and the other small stack to his right. He would do NOTHING to attack the other short stack but would call my every raise and check raise with abandon. I never had better than middle pair or a draw so I had to let those go. I manage to bottom feed until somebody is under me and knock them out… I do this for EVERY OTHER PLAYER and we go into heads up with him about double my stack.

I fight to even, I’ve got him outstacked by 180 chips. I look down at QQ in the small blind. I min raise, he calls. I flop the set but there are two flush cards. I bet, he calls. Turn is a blank. I bet, he reraises almost all in. I push him all in. He turns over 34 of the flush suit. And hits it on the river.

My 180 chips isn’t enough for the BB but I’ve got him dominated- and he hits a set to beat my 2 pair.

Queen Me a River

Ninja.

5.5 SNG 9 seat

AKoff in hijack
UTG limps
Raise from cutoff
I reraise
He calls
Flop 47J
He goes all in
I fold

1/3 of my stack gone. Poof.

I bet he is a donkey though- in fact, he is back to starting stack.

AQ in UTG+1

Pot riase
2 callers
Board comes 9QQ
I check
Next guy checks
Last guy goes all in
I call
Other guy calls
First all in turns over 34.
Other guy turns over KQ
Turn is a J
I hold my breath
River is a blank

I call a 3x in the SB with A5 off (raise from all-in guy first hand)
Board is TTJ
He goes all in
I fold.

AJ in hijack, no action, pot raise
Button calls
Board is 88T
I check
He bets
I fold

Man, I don’t want to be scared money weak player guy, but I don’t want to be volatile hope to get lucky guy either. I need to learn to “attack weakness” without putting myself too much at risk.

Fold JQ on the button to a smalls tack all in
(he only had 1/6 my stack but it was enough to not feel like tossing coins)

AJoff in late, one limper, 4x raise, scoop

Almost made a move in mid with K8suited- came to my senses.

Got to see a free flop with Q7off
Paired board
Threw out a min bet
He called
I just waited until I had a fold button

AKoff UTG (short table), pot bet
Small stack goes all in from the BB
I call
44 does not hold up

Bubble time

Pot size bet with AQoff- scoop

Not bubble- 5 handed. Bubble bubble.

Arguing with Truth in another window so, messed up.

Doubled up a small stack. I was watching for him to make his move.

3x UTG and I’ve got QJ
I call
Flop is Jack high,
He goes all in
I call
He has an under pair
He hits his set on the river

KQsuited UTG,
One caller
Paired flop
He bets
I fold

Goddamn that rivering fuck. Being the short stack at the bubble sucks.

Focus focus focus

Bubble burst, suckout got cracked

Dancing, dancing, reraise with QQ takes a pot preflop

Blinds are low enough that its not too volatile yet- but close.

I pay off a guy when he slowplays 2 pair and I call him to the river.

The other small stack and I are staying about the same- but our stacks are slowly shrinking as bigstack acquires chips.

I chop a pot with other short stack when we both have QT and miss.

I make another reraise, this time with AJ, and get the fold

Bigstack gives some chips to the community.

Other smallstack and I are still close.

Another reraise, this time with AKsuited against small stack- scoop

Blinds are now 100/200

And I go out third.

I pushed all in against bigstack with top pair- he had top two pair.

5.5 SNG 9seat

I read two things about playing small pocket pairs recently. They seem to contradict one another. Generally I’ve taken the “if the table is soft- bet them”, “if you can afford it- see a cheap flop and hope for a set”, and “if chips are tight- chuck em” philosophy. I read that it is “worth it” to call up to a 4x BB raise with them… But I also read that seeing cheap flops and hoping for the set is a losing proposition. I am not sure how to reconcile these.

I just called a 3x from the BB with 44. I am totally okay with it as the SB called too so I was looking at 60 to win 270. I missed and gave it up.

Then I folded 55 from mid with a 3x ahead of me. These two choices seem pretty at odds.

AND MOTHER FUCKER- FOUR CALLERS AND I would have hit the set.

FUUUCK.

QQ in the SB
I FEEL like the guy to my right is going to go all in. He has been a donk so far.
Nope.
But there was a min raise and a reraise and I rereraised the pot.
He went all in with 33.
I double up.

Why did I do this? Table read. That guy had already been all in twice and it was hand 9 or 10.

I lost a couple of chips but made a nice dodge to a guy who hit Aces full of Kings.

I was feeling like this guy was just all over- but I ran back through his hands and he has had a 2 pair or better in 30% of the TOTAL HANDS so far. Holy shit- I hate this guy!

A6suited in the SB
UTG makes it 3x
I call
Flop gives me 4 to and has a K
I bet
He calls
Turn comes another K
I bet
He folds

Minraise from hijack with 33
Missed the flop
He checked
I bet
He called
Turn is another overcard
He checks
I bet
He reraises
I fold

KK cracked by AQoff to double up a small stack.
He raised preflop- I reraised him almost all in
Board comes 244
I put him all in
HE CALLS
And rivers his ace.
I was 85% to win when the money went in.

The guy to my right is the dominating chip lead and an insane luckbox. Worse, he isn’t playing poorly either.

The guy to my left is the second chip leader. No real data.

And suckout fuckface is the only guy with fewer chips than me.

We are five handed and 1st, 2nd, and 3rd all have more than 3x my stack.

I am barely treading water with hand backed steals. The other small stack is all in every other hand almost. And then doubles up with AA.

Luckbox pays off second place guy but still has double my chips.

AK suited does not pay off. My raise gets called, I miss the flop, I call a min bet, we check to the river but I’ve got nothing and lose to bottom pair.

I limp in the SB with one limper ahead of me with QJ, BB comes too, I hit my J and push all in for a scoop.

I push all in with KJsuited to scoop blinds plus a limper again.

KQoff UTG, 3x,
BB calls
Miss the flop (A96 or something w/ 2 diamond)
He checks
I check
I hit my Q on the turn and its suit matches my king and the other two diamonds)
I go all in and he folds

BB with A5suited
I call a min raise from the SB
Board is A24
He goes all in
Shit shit shit
I call
He turns over A3.
He does not hit his 5 or 3.

I am solidish.

It crippled that guy (the luckbox) and he goes out 2 hands later.

Bubble time.

I literally said “My goal is to not pay anyone off” and saw a free flop in the BB
Flop comes K high, he checks, I check
Turn comes a T, I have a T, he bets I call…

You can see where that was going right?

Me: 3300
5700
1100
3200

100/200 blinds

I make a tough laydown to a small raise from the smallstack. I was in the BB with KJoff.

300 chips is the world to him- but without fuel…

And bubble pops.

AJoff in the BB
SB limps
I raise,
He folds

I limp in the SB and scoop post flop

I fold K8off on the button

25suited in the BB, free flop, I hit the 2 and scoop

I fold A4off in the SB… not sure why.

I can’t write it fast enough- sorry. Wait here.

I double up when I hit the paired board and somebody pushes into it.

I get the small stack to call an all in AQ vs QT.

Heads up now.

I caught him bluffing once- that was cool.

I bet when I hit an ace and he called- my kicker was shit so we checked it down- he triped his pocket Queens on the river.

All in TT vs. AQ.

Guess what card he hit on the river?

Just guess. I will tell you if you are right.

Motherfucker.

Viva La... la... uh... yeap.

Ninja.

I had decided I would stop writing. I spent a couple of days not doing it and the absence didn’t help and I missed it. So here I am. I am going to modify my writing a bit though. I think embracing some of the dark emotions I was experiencing and communicating them here was hurting me more than helping me. I had thought it would be therapeutic- it was not. I don’t know what to do about that. What I do know is that I am pretty good at poker and think I can get better. I don’t have much else right now and that makes it pretty silly for me to do anything OTHER than put forth every effort to improve.

I am more and more convinced that everyone’s luck is not the same over time. I believe there are people who are “luckier” than other people. I don’t know what luck is- but I mean they will draw better cards, hit more flops, and be in the right place at the right time more often than other people. There is certainly some self-made luck… I’ve quoted before the thing about “preparedness and opportunity” but, beyond that, I think there is something else. For a period of not quite 10 years now I’ve been unlucky. My ability to push on trying to do the right thing because it is right is worn thin. I’m on the edge of giving up- but not yet giving up. So, until those reserves of strength are gone I will continue to try and do the right things because they are right. My hope is that the added skill and discipline I bring to the game is GREATER than my luck deficit. Only time will tell.

The string of bad beats nearly destroyed me emotionally. I am so fragile anyway that it was just more than I could bear. Truth and I were talking the other night though about bankroll management and he suggested that he felt 100 to 1 was an appropriate ratio. I’ve never been more than 20 to 1 and even then I was cracking discipline and getting the occasional 50% or 25% of my bankroll game. Truth made the excellent point that if I lost 15% of my stack to a bad run- I might not react the same way as when I lose 90%. I mean, it’s not about the money here- we aren’t talking about my rent or anything- but it’s the money I’d committed at the time. I try very hard not to think about the game as “just five dollars” or whatever…

Anyway, I think I was babbling there so I will move on.

I completed the destruction of my bankroll and am ready to drop in more money. I got low enough that it was going to take some very solid work to build it back. Then I had even more bad beats. I lost 5 SNG’s this evening. AK to 88 preflop (he had the better hand but his action was ridiculous. Five limpers- he is one of them- I make a pot sized raise- and he reraises half the starting stack- on the first hand? So I put him all in)… Aw fuck it. I don’t remember the details, its 4:45 in the morning, and I just started drinking.

Occassionally when I drink I get a weird allergic reaction or something to the booze. Its happening now- half my face is puffy and red. It is really unpleasant and takes the fun out of drinking. It is weird though because it only happens about 10% of the time- even if I am drinking from the same bottle the whole time…

Anyway, I got another good idea from Wannabe that I hope to implement going forward. I am not sure I can do this with the appropriate levels of discipline, but I will try. He said he would (and this is from a 3 year old archive- no idea how it worked out for him) log why he though people did what they did throughout the tournament. So, instead of just logging the action on hands I am involved in- I will theorize about hands I am not in. This will help me stay focused all the time.

I am going to Denver to attend a Heartland Poker Tour even in a couple of weeks and I really want to bring my A game. Lately I’ve really suffered in “real” live games. I rock the home games- so it isn’t just being at a physical table- or even the pacing… I believe that if I played live in card rooms or casinos regularly I would cure this- but I can’t afford it. So, given that I know I’ve got a weakness and that the primary way I’d like to fight it isn’t available to me- I need to focus even more on the tools I do have.

A few quick mentions…

Sometimes when I talk about this stuff what I am writing comes out as an excuse. And on some levels I guess it is. I am INCREDIBLY hard on myself. So much so that if I don’t go through an exercise to cut myself some slack I really suffer. Then, sometimes, its because I am so dang angry and feel so sabotaged that I need to do something…

Anyway, it’d been a live play dry spell when I went with Truth to Garden City the other week. In three hours I never saw a hand really worth playing and then got cracked when I did have one. I went the next night and was doing okay- then just imploded. I did not know why. A couple of weeks later (two days ago) I went again. I’d taken second in a home game earlier that night and was using the win money to play. I dropped a couple hundred chips trying to see flops with random potential cards- missed the flops- got out. When my second blind came around I was down maybe 800 chips- still very healthy- and I nearly had a goddamn anxiety attack about being blinded out. A guy who had been in every fucking hand (I’ve played with him before) raised from early position in my big blind. I had K8suited and I called. I hit the 8 on a Q high board. I raised the pot, every-hand-guy reraised me about ¾ of my remaining stack, and I fuck-you all-in’d. He, of course, hit the Q.

This was pretty enlightening for me. It was part of the “damn it I want to get paid too” problem I sometimes have. I just get so mad as I watch the loose aggressive players rake in pot after pot when I know they have nothing- or nothing good- that I just… I don’t even know. It’s so irrational I can’t even describe it. So I went out on hand 14 or so. 120 bucks gone.

The flip side of that problem though is playing too tight, letting people walk all over you, and just losing a little later. I don’t know how to balance these things.

Grrrr…

Okay, so I am going to buy back in to Full Tilt for 100 dollars. This is a little over 18 5.5 9seat SNGs. This game has been my strong point and is probably where I need to focus my efforts. But, I was starting to feel that I was losing some of my large field skills when I was playing this exclusively. My tentative plan was to play this level and use my winnings to play large field tourneys- as long as I kept my bank at about 100 bucks. I broke discipline, played large games, then had my bad run.

Well, I think in the short term I need to focus on the single table because it is my strength and I need to push through this fucking bullshit bad luck streak and get back on my A game so I can build some A game momentum. What did that sentence even say? Lemme try again. Playing your A-game and winning makes it easier to play your A-game. The more you play it, the more you win, the easier the whole cycle is. In theory. Right now I’m having trouble keeping up the A-game because even that is losing- and not by my fault.

Okay, got that settled.

Okay, convention. I’d like to record all of my hands. I will now insert those whenever like so:

Me: AToff – pot raise from mid
SB: calls
Flop: 2A5
Me: pot bet
Scoop

Me: A3off – BB got a walk

Me: 66 in 2nd position- pot size raise
Scoop

Me: 99 UTG- pot size raise
Button: calls
BB: calls
Flop TKT
BB: 1/3 pot
Me: reraise
Button: folds
BB: calls
Turn: blank
BB: Bets
Me: fold

Me: Q6off in BB, check
Flop: J37 of my Q suit

Okay, stop.

I can’t record them like that in real time.

I just donked off a lot of chips on a bullshit hand. I am not saying it was the FAULT of my recording… but it did not help.

To finish, I had the Q flush draw. He kept betting- I kept calling. I picked up bottom pair on the turn. The river did not complete my flush. He won with Jack high and had no draw. The problem was that I called a pot sized bet on the river because “maybe he was drawing too” I guess.

I like that format for legability- but it was just too slow. I’d hate to donk out early of my first game after a new buy in. I am damn crippled now too. M is 5 in the first blind level. Insane.

I could double twice and still be in last place.

A8off, pot raise,
BB puts me all in
I call
He has KQ
I trip up my kicker

Last place here I come.

Okay, non poker. And this is fucked up. You guys will love it… not.

For two days now I’ve been experiencing a… rolling sensation… in my chest. As a kid I used to sometimes try to hold my breath… forever? Under water or just sitting… and if I did it for long enough I would get this sensation of sort of a wobbling rolling sensation through my chest and belly. Well, I’ve been getting something similar. Its really disconcerting. And now, and this isn’t tooo abnormal for me- I think I’ve got some circulation issues, my left arm is basically asleep.

Okay, this if funny in a dark sort of way. I almost wrote “I hope I don’t die!” at the end of that paragraph- then decided it would be false.

Oh! 44 in the BB. Second double up?

Ha!

They smelled my desperation and walked me.

AJoff in the SB.

Motherfucker.

3x raise, BB puts me all in, I call
He turns over A8.

We wind up chopping.

Why does god protect my bitches? I need to get my fuck on- too much getting fucked. Its my goddamn turn!

KJoff in late. 3x from UTG. Damn tempted to call. Folding.

KQ from late mid- limping
SB calls
BB fucks it up with a 3x
I call
SB calls
I flop open ended and go all in

They both call.

Fucking radical.

They didn’t both call but I didn’t think the detail was going to be important.

I flopped the top of the open ended.
BB bet 1/3 the pot
I went all in over him
SB called
BB went all in over the SB
SB folded
BB turns over AJ for top pair
I am excited because it means I’ve got open ended PLUS two overs! 14 outs times 2!

I am better than 50% to triple up!

Turn is a blank.

River is a K.

Whew. I am the chip leader. Ha!

88 a minute later
Somebody 3x
Somebody calls
I call
Missed the flop
Checked
Somebody went all in
I hit fold

I need a new/better format.

A7suited in the SB
Min raise from hijack
Button calls
I call
BB calls
Flop K77
Everyone checks to button who bets the pot
I call
Everyone folds
Turn is an 8
I bet, he calls
River is an A
I bet, he calls
I wish I’d pushed him all in
I take a big pot!

He had top pair.

Now, this is good stuff- after I recovered from my donkey moment I’ve had some good fortune. But not massive fortune and I’ve had to fight for it. Nobody has folded shit! (well, I did get a walk with 44?) And like, the guy who poured money into the paired board with top pair… That is why I avoid that shit! Because when you are wrong somebody gets PAID and its not you!

AJoff in the BB
Mid position makes a raise
I reraise
He goes all in for 1/3 my stack
I call
He turns over A9off.

I am now prepared to pay him because- it has happened so much.

Board comes 666

Are you kidding me??

Turn is a J.

The river was not an Ace.

Okay, nice! But the key was my BETTER HANDS held up.

Wannabe has been talking about this a lot. You are going to get fucked 1 in 5 times even with AA every hand. How do you avoid it? What? You thought I was going to give you an answer??? HA!

28suited in late, fold

QToff in mid, raise from UTG, fold, flop is 7TQ… dang, I’d planned on opening if I could… UTG goes all in after the flop. I bet he had JJ.

According to my theory of single table SNG’s last week I could fold my way to the money with my current stack of 4565. I am not sure I believe this anymore… but its close.

Small stack went all in when I had 66. Guy between us raised for protection and I stayed out.

Limped with 9T from late, BB called, missed flop- he checked, I bet, scoop

Min raise from latish with KQ
One caller
I hit top pair
He bet small
I reraise big
He calls
Turn is an Ace
We check it down
He had second pair but rivers a flush to take a big pot.

Motherfucker. How do I avoid that sort of this? Bet into the overcard? Fuck that.

88 on the button, pot raise, scoop

A7off in hijack, min raise (keeping it mixed),
SB thinks a long time- he is shortish stacked and could go all in at any time but folds
BB folds
Scoop

That guy made a SHITTY call with his mid pair flush draw. Damn it. I cannot reconcile a way to push him out that doesn’t conflict with my core philosophies at this time.

AJ in the BB- walk… sigh.

72off in the SB

Ooh, I forgot I ahd cookies.

K9 on the button, I limp because the BB is – I had to stop because it happened RIGHT THERE- ready to go all in. I thought he would see the flop for free but no, he did it with a limper. Oh well. He went all in and I folded. It would have been 700 chips (of my 4k) to call an all-in without a pair or ace or flush draw.

AKsuited next hand, min raising hoping to get the same move. IT WORKED. Shit, he turns over JJ. I get my flush though.

Truth bitches about how I make some of my plays- but my player psychology is pretty strong. Knowing how to set that up so I got the all-in might as well be fucking magic its so awesome. My streak of demoralizing bad beats was ROOTED in that- I got those callers/pushers ON PURPOSE. And if you can’t be positive over time getting your money in good… well… why am I playing?

Enough of that.

Down to 5 and there is an all in challenge. Ooh! Down to 4 as AA takes out AQoff.

Second in chips is the guy who made the fucked up call and hit his flush earlier.

Another nice pot!

I limped with a suited ace.
Flop is AA9.
I check, somebody bets, I call
Its just two of us now
Turn is a 9.
I bet he calls
River is a blank
I bet, he calls
He turns over something with a 9.

I scoop two small pots in a row.

Hard to get the details four handed- it’s so fast.

I give up a small pot- I missed it- he bet- I’m sure he missed it too- but not willing to feed the fire. We are playing MY game fucker.

Stacks are:

Me: 5900
1100
Bad call guy: 4900
1300

Blinds are 80/160

Doh

I paid off second to bottom guy. He worked me good.

Min raised my BB and I had 44.
Flop missed me but was all low.
He went all in.
He had just gone all in the hand before and I was wishing I was there to catch him (he thrust after the turn where I would have had 4 to the Q flush and second pair)
He turned over KK.

Shit.

My house.

My house.

My house.

Money. I take out the small stack KJ vs. K9 preflop.

Very close stacks.

Fuck. They all in and wind up chopping A9 vs AA when the board straights to the Ace.

I make a green note on the A9 guy- he is mr. poor call from earlier and had done the pushing all in- before he had the straight.

Folding through shitty hands waiting for them to duke it out- or gimme some love dealer.

I just paid off the motherfucker that had KK AGAIN when he had KK. He is the one who had the AA a minute ago.

NOTICE I”VE HAD NO FUCKING BIG PAIRS? Not only have I HAD NONE but I’ve run into them TWICE.

KSDFJSDKFJSDKFJSDFSDFUCKYOUASDFSASD

They are trying to blind me out now.

Fuck man. That is fucking brutal. I played that well and then this?

Give me a fucking break.

I double up with A2 vs. 87

I am still desperate small stack guy.

1400 chips with 120/240 blinds

This is familiar territory for me though. At least I’ve got strong theory.

And out in third. I pushed with AT and ran into AK. Oh, from the KK motherfucker too.

Hey, can we track that in my list of fuckings and anger? I want to have a ratio of premium pairs I run into- vs. premium pairs dealt. And then I want to anally rape god with all of them. What an asshole. Fuck that.

5.5 SNG 9 seat

One purple guy with a “twice” marker. I move him to “three times”.

24off

My drink is gone and I forgot to pee. Shit. I will try to sneak them in.

Autfolded a Q3off in the bathroom- no worries.

Drink next hand!

Nope! AQoff. Gotta play it.

Pot size bet from 2UTG
One caller
Flop top two pair
Check
He bets
I think… and call
Omg I am out.

OKAY THERE IS SOMETHING I DO WRONG AND I NEED TO OWN UP SO I CAN FIX IT!

Sometimes I feel “in control” of a hand and slow play it a bit. Then, a danger card comes and I somehow decide the way to TEST FOR THE DANGER is to push. If the card WAS dangerous I just fucked myself!

So, I “think and call” and the turn comes a J. It is also the second of a flush. So, I *PUSH ALL IN* and he calls with KT.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO>?????

I can only be mad at myself. BUT OMFG!!!

Thank god for the additive flavor properties of booze. I zoned out while pouring and filled half the fucking glass. Also my fridge smells like a demon took a shit in it. Fucking roommates are animals.

5.5 SNG 9 seat

95off on the button

Seriously, this drink tastes like a shot. I shiver and shake and make faces after each sip.

Folds to me- I min raise, BB calls, then checks the flop, I don’t even look, I just bet, and he folds.

AKoff in hijack, pot raise, they all fold.

A2 in cutoff- raiser in front, I fold

JToff in mid- fold.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT FUCKER HAD KT AND THAT ASSCLOWN IN THE GAME BEFORE HAD KK, AA, and KK… THAT I KNOW OF!!!

AToff in UTG+1. I minraise. This is a tactic I use to scare people into letting me see a cheap flop. Two callers, I miss the flop but bet the pot anyway- scoop.

SEE TRUTH? Its not that I don’t make moves- I just do them when I have some kind of something to back it up. Position- an ace- something. Harrington has something to say on this. Loosely paraphrased he says “since you don’t want to make a move every time you need some mechanism by which to randomize your play- use the deck and just have a card threshold that dictates your moves”

Limped with TJoff on the button
BB raises 6x
Calling based on position
Flop is AK5
He bets half the pot- I call even though I shouldn’t. It’s that assclown with the fucking KT possessing me. I miss the turn- he bets BIG- and I get out.

I’ve now lost my steal money.

Okay, I finally got all of the can of soda into the GLASS FULL OF WHISKEY. Now I can focus.

Ooh! Premium pair. KK from mid.

Min raise. Guy from last hand reraises. I rereraise. He rereraises. I go all in. He calls.

Oh look- he has AA. I am out in 9th.

Okay, before I fucking explode I’d like to point something out.

I make all this talk about luck. Then, my first game goes pretty well. I hit some solid flops, I’ve got some decent hole cards. It’s not AMAZING, but it’s good. Although, I go out third instead of first, because of some serious misfortune. (hidden overpair twice from the same guy??). Then, I get *fucked* two games in a row. I made a bad move after flopping two pair in the previous game. But him playing KT and straighting like that? Gimme a break. Then KK vs. AA? These are mistakes in the “you need to forgive yourself and say that’s poker” category. NOBODY wins all the time and if this is how you go out- you can’t be too pissed at yourself. So, here I had some MINOR good fortune then a bunch of BAD fortune. Net result? Almost 10% of my bank is gone. I won 9 at the cost of 5.5. Then lost 11. Bank is now 92.50.

If I ever say things like “my luck is always bad” “that never happens to me” etc… I am using hyperbole to make a point. It is conversational exaggeration. What I really mean is “I get fucked far more often than I should and I get lucky far less often than I should- the net of my circumstances if fucked up and sucks”. So, don’t be a pain in my ass if I am fucking bitching about how I hate everything and then I get JJ. It is insulting to my angst.

5.5 SNG 9seat

J4off UTG+1, fold

AKoff UTG, pot raise
SB calls
Flop is 838
He checks, I bet the pot, he calls
Turn is a K
I bet the pot
He folds

T3off in the SB
Many limpers
I limp
BB limps
Flop is 3T8
I check
Somebody bets,
Somebody calls
I bet the pot
First better folds
Second guy goes all in
I call
He turns over Q9
He does not get a jack

AKsuited in late
Several limpers
Pot bet
Scoop

Neil Diamond is singing America quietly and it gave me the chills.

I folded A5 from mid and the board was 577 and somebody scooped. Hhhmm…

BB with QTsuited, checked with one limper
Missed the flop
Checked to the river
He min bet
I did not believe him
I called
I won with Q high

Q9suited on the button
Pot bet- scoop

The pot bet button on full tilt uses ALTERNATE UNIVERSE THEORY MATH which means… I think… it’s broken? With blinds at 20/40 and no action the pot should be 60. I hit the pot bet button and it bets 140. I don’t know what kind of freak juju this is- but I’ve been using it lately.

I think Gus Hansen is a stupid donkey. Reading his book he describes what sounds like basically no strategy. Bet and Hope maybe? Dunno. I am about 25% of the way through and he says, “this tournament is going pretty well so far but the most important thing was that my opponents had jack shit zero zilch nada” Well, uh, yeah- that does help doesn’t it?

That said, I’ve found his writing influencing my play. And not all in a good way. I certainly was hearing him in my head when I pushed all-in with second pair at the live game the other day. But, I’ve been reraising a LOT more and to good effect- generally.

DANG IT ALL!!

I had 88 in mid and a small stack bet out- I was calculating what reraise would put him all in when a medium stack went all in. I did not feel good taking them both on- I did not want to pay off medium guy. So I folded. They turned over KQ and A8. I would have taken them both out!

AKsuited in mid
Raise in front of me
Pot reraise
Scoop

This runs a little counter to some of my thinking re: flop hands, I am still sorting it all out.

I just paid somebody off. I am irritated with myself. I am not a cop and I was acting like one.

Shame on me.

OH AND THIS IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE BY THE WAY.

Saw a flop for cheap with A2suited. Board cames 33A. I bet into it, some various betting and calling to the river- he turns over 39. I lost 1500 chips or so. A whole starting stack worth.

Min raise UTG with A2suited (again) – scoop

Limped with J9suited from hijack
Board is 88k
Everyone checks
I bet out
I get called
I am done with the hand and fold to the next bet.

SEE HOW FUCKED UP THAT IS???

Fuck I wish I never bet into a paired board ever before or ever again.

I am selecting the best cookies from the Pepperidge farm package.

KK in UTG+1, min raise, scoop

Better than getting cracked I guess.

QJoff in BB, check with 2 limpers
AK9 board
Min bet scoops it

KJsuited in SB
Raise and a reraise- I fold
Raiser was K4, reraiser was AA
It goes all in preflop
K4 guy four flushes his 4

Everyone bitched at him for being a donk.

He drops AA the next hand.

I gave him a green tag now.

SB, limp with 56
Flop open ended
Small bet
One caller
I turn a 6 but never hit my straight
He wins with a pair of 7s

The guy who made the crazy K4 move’s name is airbus380knocka. I asked what his name meant and a different guy named Niuzairen says “me?” and I say “no, I know your name means demonface”… There is a pause and he says “my name doesn’t mean demonface” Awesome.

AJoff in mid, pot bet, one caller
Made flush board- other guy goes all in

5 handed and my stack is okay but not great.

I call a min raise to see a flop with K2. Paired board- guess what I am doing?

There is a microstack- after him I am the short stack now. I need to make some good cards pay.

Gotta be a little careful since micro is certainly in “all in thrust any moment” mode.

KJsuited in mid, 3x raise- and guess who goes all in?

I need to call, he turns over A5. And gets paid.

I am now micro.

I want to fucking stab somebody.

How does the cocksucker who pushed all in against AA with K4off have 6x my stack??????????????

Fold 33 in late with a min raise ahead of me to preserve equity.

I want to get knocked out by the worse hand when my hand has an ace.

Stacks are
Me 800
4200
1800
4700
1800

Blinds are 50/100

A7off, all in, scoop

Q7suited in the BB, min raise from K4 guy- I want to call but reraise from SB, fold

They go all in with AK and A3. A3 wins to double up. This is actually bad for me.

I raise from the hijack with Q9, scoop

That was risky given my stack.

Called a minraise from the BB with QT but missed and had to give it up.

Doubling up will leave me in last.

44 in the BB
Min raise from UTG, he gets a caller, I call, flushed board of low cards, I push all in. K4 guy calls- with the AT of that suit. Fuck me. Note: if he had not played two of that suit- I would have doubled.

The A5 double up and cripple me guy made a good move. I made the correct call though. Goddamn it. I think if I make the correct move and get fucked- its getting fucked. Anyone disagree with that?

5.5 SNG 9seat.

I need to take first for my ROI for the night to be anything other than negative. This is probably my last game- hell, I was too tired to play with my first game and this is 5 I think.

I am definitely frustrated now. Folding hands- only like 5 in- and I am already feeling chaffed.

Lock it up Ninja. I know this is your house- and you got fucking raped in it- but that is no reason not to feel secure in your power. Honest. It was a fluke. The math is on your side- really. It’s not pimping you out to any jackass with two cards. Even if it seems that way.

KK in UTG+1. 3x, scoop.

Is it really better than getting cracked? I have trouble getting behind that sometimes.

AQoff in the BB
two limpers
3x raise from somebody
SB thinks… and folds
I call
One limper folds
I flop the full house. (QAAboard)
We all check
Turn is another Q
River is a blank

AND GUESS WHAT THIS MEANS?????

WHEN I GET THE FUCKER WITH AT ALL-IN WE FUCKING CHOP

SEE? It looks like maybe its good fortune but instead it’s a fucking BULLSHIT FUCKOFF SUCKOUT FUCKING.

FUCK YOU

FUCK
FUCK
FUCK

UNfuckingREAL

79suited in late, I limp with everyone else, paired board

I decide for a change of pace I will fuck myself in the ass.

That keeps me busy while we check to the river and the board pairs again and then two guys with aces chop the pot.

66 in late, one limper, I raise the pot, he calls, paired board- he makes a min bet- I pot bet reraise and he folds

I won the pot- but I still feel fucked. This is why my mental state is so fucked.

FUCK FUCK FUCK

GODDAMN IT MAKES ME SO MAD.

Limp with JQ
Q2A board
Everyone checks- I bet, scoop

America has come through the rotation again. This time no chills. Just hate.

I start cursing out (wittily) the guy who chopped the pot with me.

He says “lmao” but I think he is hurting inside.

QQ utg, 3x raise,
BB calls
Underbards
I bet the pot
BB calls
Turn is a K
BB bets small on turn and river- I call my way out 200 more chips

I am now in danger of breaking stuff.

I am now seriously tilted and angry.

How can I reconcile this sort of hand resolution?

My aces full boat gets hijacked, my KK gets cracked, my QQ gets cracked… Is there some opposite math happening to counter this that I am failing to notice?

AToff on the button, no action, pot bet, SB goes all in.

I call. He has AQ

I am out.

Why did I call? BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER????????

How could I possibly go to bed now?

5.5 SNG 9 seat.

I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about feeling stuff. But my rage is now coupled with equal amounts of sadness. It just feels so futile. Its been like this for four days now. The feelings AND the bad beats.

A7suited on the button
Raise
SB calls
Flop is K25, he bets, I fold

There is a lot of poker stuff that I do not know that I would like to know and should know. I should be studying the shit out of the math- hand vs. hand percentages- ratios of move success vs. cost, etc…

AKoff early, pot bet- scoop

Anyway, I’d like to be studying this stuff but it feels so totally worthless in the face of these CONSTANT fucking bullshit hands.

Min raise from early with 66. Two callers, miss the flop, see a free turn, miss that too, fold to a bet. Fold KT from UTG.

See a free flop from the BB with Q2 off. Board is AA something and the SB bets.

I am starting to shiver. I hope it’s because I already died. I swear if I see a light I am running right for it.

Limp with a couple others from the SB with K4suited, miss the flop, fold.

AKsuited in the hijack.
No action, I pot bet, scoop

Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everything. Goddamn it.

My full house gets counterfitted????

First place will leave me down for the night.

And I’ve played well. Not perfect. But well. Fuck this.

While looking into depression and suicide on the web earlier (today?) I came across a lot of –

AToff UTG+1, raise, BB calls
I miss the flop, he checks, I bet, he folds,
That was nice

I came across a lot of “hehehe you should lock yourself in your car in the garage with a gas BBQ and tape the windows so you suffocate” or “this is the way you should kill yourself to suffer the most…” Dude, why the fuck would I want to suffer more? As it stands I get attacks where I get so upset and hurting that I get CONFUSED AND PANICED. Lets be clear- I would like to die. But I want to die so I can STOP feeling like this. Who would want to make it worse? People are fucking dumb. Those posts were probably written by K4off guy who cracked the AA earlier.

Nobody is out yet, I’ve got starting stack plus 40 chips and am in second place.

Rockets in mid. I’ve had no fucking action with anything so I only min raise.
BB calls
Flop is 7TK with two diamonds- I bet the pot- he folds

You know… There is a silver lining to the assfucking math has given me this evening. I am up and playing poker and drinking instead of trying to sleep (for those of you that don’t know me I’ve got REAL BAD sleeping issues) and its trash day. So I can hear the NOISEY AS FUCK garbage truck that has to reverse down our court and I am NOT trying to sleep. Shit, I would pay 20 bucks for that. I might make another deposit and just pretend tonight didn’t happen.

A7off in the BB
3x from the button
I almost reraised- but called and missed the flop instead.
I stalled a real long time before checking- maybe scare him into letting me see the turn
No dice
Fold

Q8off in the SB- folding to big raises

K8off on the button- same

Going to run to pee after hijack.

KJsuited, blinds are 40/80 and a pot bet is 280? I get reraised all in.

And now I am short stacked- go team

I fold KJoff from now early mid…

Yeah, last place. Awesome.

Given the history what do you think guys? Should I have called that all-in reraise with KJsuited? To get cracked by 57off?

Man, I feel like I am going to throw up. This was happening earlier too so I can’t even blame the booze and cookies.

After the blinds I am down to less than 1k chips.

66 in late, I go all in and get INSTACALLED I don’t even need to watch
Oh and awesome a SECOND caller…

AA and KK.

Okay, it happened. I sucked out. I hit a 6.

But, like I said, just enough good comes to make the bad even worse. Even first place and I am still a LOSER for the night. And I’ve got a long way to go before that happens. A long way that is REALLY HARD to travel when you’ve lost faith.

6 handed. First in chips. And fighting hyperventilating from upsetness. I can’t even enjoy the fucking suckout because of the contrast it creates.

F
O
L
D
I
N
G

5 handed though- the bubble bubble

Me: 2770
2500
2600
1200
4000

Blinds are 60/120

K9suited in the BB
SB limps
I raise, scoop

TT in the SB
3x
BB calls
2Q7 board
I bet
He reraises small
I call
Turn is an A
I check
He bets big
I fold

I limp with 33, miss the flop

I try to limp with KJ, get raised

And now I am basically the small stack.

Go team!

Man, I am just bone tired now. I don’t think it’s the lack of sleep though. I think its related to the last few hands. I plan on toeing the line re: discipline but my spirit is just crushed. Honestly, that suckout hurt more than helped.

Tied for small stack but in SB so now small stack and folding 72off.

A9off on the button- folding to raise from big stack

Two of the five people left can pay me off trivially now.

One is immediately to my left.

Oh, and for fun- the other is on my right.

AK in SB
Min raise
SB calls
I miss the flop but stab anyway, he folds

AKoff in the BB- walked

Blinds are 100/200 and I’ve got 1400 chips.

QK on the button, min raise takes it

Okay, on the bubble but the microstack.

I raise with K9off and get reraised all in and fold.

I am at about stab all in time.

I all in with 88 and get two callers

But I triple up when KT and KQ both miss.

120/240 blinds are MASSIVE

I make a scary all-in call to chop a pot. (KT hitting top pair)

Steal the BB with QQ and count myself lucky. How fucked up is that?

Guy next to me took a hit and is small stack- so of course he is now super volatile.

I double him up when he goes all in on a flush draw and hits.

I steal the blinds with TT

Still leaves me small stacked.

That flush payout hurt.

All-in with any ace time again.

Blinds are 150/300

I’ve got 1670

BANG MONEY

Oh shit

Whew

All in with bottom pair, he folds

Totally in stab or nothing land. Hoping big stack takes out medium stack.

AA with an M of 1, and I get cracked by 47.

And, goodnight.

I don't know how to think or feel

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